FYI.

This story is over 5 years old.

Vice Blog

SOMETIMES WHEN WE TOUCH TONIGHT

It is not recommended to eliminate short and curlies with the rub of steel wool, unless you are Stephen Irwin and you are masturbating old porn images into a new fantasy.

It is not recommended to eliminate short and curlies with the rub of steel wool, unless you are Stephen Irwin and you are masturbating old porn images into a new fantasy. Using the abrasive pad used to scour the shit out of anything, he brushes out detail and color on naked photos of humans with their nether appendages displayed with splendor, orifices splayed and plugged, and the result is rather dreamy.

Advertisement

Many superlatives have been applied to this man—"landscaper, nightclub impressario, international interior decorator, trendsetter, rocker, retail buyer, beautiful, modern artist, local celebrity, trash, multiple heart attack survivor," etc., according to

BUTT

—and I've got another: romantic. Bring a date to the opening at

Invisible Exports

tonight; word is they're serving Prosecco.