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FASHION ISSUE EXTRA - NEW FACE OF ARMANI

On the heels of the success of their much-anticipated collaboration with Guitar Hero, Metallica is loosening the belt on their ever-fatter profit bubble (wait, who puts a belt on a bubble? anyway…) to include the world of fashion. They returned to basics for their most recent tour and are looking forward to doing so in the high-end design market. They recently signed on to participate in the Emporio Armani F/W 2009 ad campaign. The fashion house is trying to edge up their image after the success of their recent underwear campaign featuring mega soccer douche David Beckham and his

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extra-terrestrial blow-up-doll companion

. Unlikely! Heretical! Blasphemous! More than a few exclamations come to mind, but how surprising is it really? Basking in the recent renaissance in which the band finally got the message and started catering to their fans, the band had recently given the metal community reason to breathe a collective sigh of relief. It was OK to like Metallica again. That loveable li'l Lars made a statement to

Spin

about the band's involvement with the landmark fashion line:

We came to terms with things in 1996 when we cut our hair. We're getting old. And in getting old, you to make a choice, try to hang on to your glory days or embrace your status as a classic. Armani is a classic and they understand Metallica's legacy.

He continued, dissing Kiss:

What, you expect us to be prancing around at age 65 platforms and jumpsuits? That never has and never will be Metallica's style. That said, we all saw what happened when Kiss took off their makeup and alienated their fans. It's about balance. Throughout the history of heavy metal bands have embraced good tailoring. King Diamond appreciates a well-fitted suitjacket, so does Ozzy. By the way, check out "Mercyful Fate" on the new Metallica Guitar Hero. And don't worry, you won't see Metallica stripping down to their skivvies. We aren't anyone's wank material, bro.

OK, "bro," whatever you say. I for one wish they'd embrace their true destiny and retire into mustard-stained-wifebeater and old Levis status like any respectable rocker dad. I guess that doesn't happen to multi-millionaires. But it could be way worse. They could have signed a pact with the devil aka Ed Hardy like Bret Michaels did. BEVERLY HAMES