Halloween is hands down the best thing that has ever been invented. Every week this month, I am going to show you how to make a totally kewl Halloween costume, because I’m tired of seeing a bunch of you dressed like the Mario Brothers and/or sexy cats.
Halloween is supposed to be scary. When I imagine Michelle Obama getting mad, I feel like I’m about to shit my pants and then pass out. The first time I saw a picture of her, I was simultaneously shocked and amazed, as if I had just seen a public execution. Michelle Obama is just so, so, so much woman. Those biceps. That Harvard degree. It is truly terrifying. How to Make Your Own Michelle Obama Costume in Three Easy Steps
1.) Before you get too creative with this, the first thing you need to do is master the regular things that people notice about Michelle Obama. Michelle is one of the most fashionable first ladies in history. That’s a tough gig to pull off. Your outfits should be able to make people respect you, but also make them salivate at the same damn time. So for this costume, I would suggest picking out something that you may have worn to your grandmother’s 80th birthday party, where you may or may not have convinced your cousin’s boyfriend to eat you out in the back room.
Great. So now you want to add some extra effects. Find something cheap or old that you won’t mind ripping apart. You could tear a few seams open and fray the fabric in a few places to give it more of that “Hulk” vibe that’s so defining of her character. Also note that all first ladies love to wear pearls, so be sure to wear any pearl jewelry that you have.
2.) Next you have to build your Obama arms. These arms have received a lot of press over the past four years, so make sure you give this part of your costume all of the attention that it deserves. One of the easiest arm-building strategies I found was to use a shit load of socks. I happened to have these thigh-high knitted socks just lying around, but you could also use cheap spandex tights, or an old polyester shirt. You just want to make sure you’re choosing a material that will stretch and conform to the shape you give it. So once you put on your arm-tubes, just start shoving all of the socks that you own into the top opening near your shoulders. It’s going to look really fucked up at first, but keep molding and kneading the socks until you look like a body builder. 3.) Finally—and most importantly—is the mask. The Michelle mask is going to bring the whole ensemble together. Making masks is the easiest fucking thing in the world. You do not have to go to a costume store and spend 50 dollars on a shitty mold of plastic that will make your face sweat and smell like condoms. Just go onto Google Images and search whatever it is you want to make a mask of—which in this case is Michelle Obama—print it out, and then poke out holes for your eyes. I like using string to attach the mask to my head, because it’s more malleable than, say, an elastic headband or a staple gun. So there you have it! Your very own Michelle Obama costume in three simple steps for less than five dollars. No more excuses for THAT BULLSHIT YOU PUT ON EVERY YEAR, MOTHAFUCKAS! Keep an eye out for next week’s super bloody, super gory, DIY Halloween Costume!
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