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Luke Scott and DJ Kitty Are Worse than Red Sox Fans

There’s a thin line between cute and miserable, and there’s also a thin line between lovable losers and plain old losers.

When he’s not bragging about hunting deer, denying our president is a natural-born U.S. citizen or jerking off to Ted Nugent, Luke Scott kind of plays baseball. Apparently his time in Houston and most recently Baltimore has skewed his view of American sports and their fans, as he recently explained why he hates Red Sox Nation:

“Just their arrogance,” Scott said. “The fans come in and they take over the city. They’re ruthless. They’re vulgar. They cause trouble. They talk about your family. Swear at you. Who likes that? When people do that, it just gives you more incentive to beat them. Then when things like [the last game of last season] happen, you celebrate even more. You go to St. Louis—classiest fans in the game. You do well, there’s no vulgarity. You know what? You don’t wish them bad.”

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I’m not surprised that there’s a Major League baseball player who loves The Nuge, hates our commie foreigner president, and shoots animals in the offseason, so why is Scott so surprised that Red Sox fans are such assholes? He’s played in Boston plenty of times, has a basic understanding of the franchise and its long-dead and manufactured “curse,” so this shouldn’t surprise him in the least. As a former Oriole it must have been completely frustrating to play for a shitty franchise with no idea how to build a winning team, something recently exacerbated by Baltimore’s hiring Dan Duquette (a GM who has been out of professional baseball since being fired in 2002). It also had to be hard playing in a beautiful stadium full of opposing fans who actually care about the visiting team and the outcome of the game. Most Red Sox fans have been gentrified out of Fenway Park, priced out and exiled to lower income parks like Camden. So that guy in the Mike Greenwell jersey, long denim shorts, and bootleg Oakley shades is going to come to three consecutive Oriole home games in August and be a complete asshole, just as any good sports fan would.

Most professional athletes don’t complain about fans because mental toughness is required to reach and then succeed in the highest level of your sport. Luke hasn’t learned this yet. He’s a good hitter, but sucks at defense, and is so brittle that he had to berate Boston fans after Baltimore won a dramatic game on the last day of the season that pushed the Chicken and Beer Sox from advancing to the playoffs:

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“It was like someone shot their dog. I rolled down the window and I’m like, ‘Ah, hah, sucks doesn’t it, when someone laughs or makes fun of you when things aren’t going your way.’“

So to recap, Luke doesn’t like it when fans talk shit but when his team wins a game he didn’t play in, it’s OK to lace into them.

I’m sure there is a Scott Sucks t-shirt being printed up by some guy named Sully as we speak, and there’ll be new levels of vulgarity reached when Luke makes his Rays debut at Fenway this spring.

Luckily, Luke has plenty to be proud of: The Rays have a really devoted fan base (kind of) and a new mascot, DJ Kitty. Mascots themselves are pretty fucking weak, but DJ Kitty makes the Rally Monkey look cool. I understand the former Devil Rays now shun sea life, and who better to employ than a fish’s natural enemy in the feline, but cats have no place on a baseball diamond. DJ Kitty is so cheaply made he’s got a budget medallion—they could have copped him a full kit from the back pages of The Source for a fraction of Scott’s salary—and an ill-fitting Rays hat to match his Jersey Shore posturing and poor DJ skills.

Wally the Green Monster might be a shitty mascot created in the late 90s for children but at least he’s been accused by Jerry Remy of staying up all night doing blow in New York City during one of Remy’s lazy Sunday broadcasts a few years ago. (And at least Wally looks to be enjoying himself.) Keyboard cat was a YouTube sensation but his shitty DJ equivalent looks miserable. There’s a thin line between cute and miserable, and there’s also a thin line between lovable losers and plain old losers.

The reality is that the Rays have more talent and will likely finish higher in the division than the Red Sox, but their fans aren’t passionate enough to be assholes. All they have is a lame tabby cat into dubstep and the Happy Heckler, an old guy who sits behind home plate and talks loud, bumming everyone out, including Rays fans. Boston, on the other hand, has history, championships—albeit a while ago—and fans who know how to be true assholes. You’d think Scott would appreciate his kind.

Check out the miserably sad DJ Kitty:

@LiveSuburbia