Some red wine on some red satin sheets via.
Welcome to our brand new food column, Hot Links, where VICE employee Dan Meyer explores the neglected culinary stars of YouTube. Each week, Dan will present a selection of videos highlighting specific food themes, from amateur cooking to local restaurant commercials, elderly drinking buddies, kitchen disasters, to the infinite supply of odd YouTube wonders in the food category. We encourage you to fall into this culinary video k-hole, and include your own comments and contributions below.
There is an endless supply of depressing wine videos on YouTube. Here are my top eight picks for the strangest videos that capture very odd people discussing wine in a variety of jarring approaches. Sadly, the term "bouquet" is never tossed around in any of these sound bytes. I hope that these videos make you feel as confused as I do, or maybe it's just a friendly overdose of tannins.
From what I can tell, Pinot Boutique is a store in Philadelphia that sells strange, cheap, wine accessories and strawberry glazes. The camera guides you through a visual tour of what appears to be a little shop of horrors. Get ready to experience wine showers, wine in a can, and a wine tasting from a paint bucket.
Jennifer for Murphy-Goode Wines
Without giving too much away, this video includes a wedding proposal, a drunk fly, and devastating relationship turmoil. It all concludes with Jennifer making a mysterious hand gesture that involves Yahtzee, a move that makes me wonder if she’s trying to tell us that she’s good at something besides drinking a lot of wine and using social networking applications in the middle of romantic dinners with her lover. I’m not sure if this video is a job application, but I think that Jennifer truly wants to tweet for Murphy Goode Wines. I wonder if she got the job.
Buffalo Bills Fan Finds Wine in Parking Lot
This is a sports fan wine review that takes place in a lonely parking lot with a jug of Carlo Rossi.
"What happens when real moms and dads drink wine…" is apparently when you sit really close to a camera with some crackers and drink two different wines at the same time. I don't really understand what they are doing here, but this is a perfect picture of the depressing nature that can creep into suburban life.
Wine Shop at Home - Vino with Val
Wine host, Gary, has the biggest microphone on the internet—the very same microphone that takes up most of the video frame during this in-depth wine interview with Val, a woman who throws wine parties at strangers homes. Val, “the cork dork,” is former army veteran who created her new business because, “I always say that my last job made me drink a little bit, but now I get paid to do it.” After watching this video, I learned that wine is more than just juice, and it's OK to “drink a lot of your homework.” I appreciate that Val is not trying to “yuck anyone’s yum.”
Dan's Wine Shop
Dan, the owner of Dan's Wine Shop, is trying to make a video catalogue for us, the elusive audience. He describes the wine stock he is trying to move in a way that we will never be able to remember. This reads a bit like spoken word poetry, or the cadence of a drunken rodeo auction speaker.
$2 Fancy Wine Opener
Joe Skinner is a guy who “likes to get drunk on a budget” with cheap wine. Count how many Makers Mark bottles rest above his kitchen cupboards. This is Joe’s first encounter with a $50 fancy wine opener that he purchased for $2 at a flea market. The “It Works Every Time” poster in the last camera frame sends this video into Sundance Film Festival award nomination territory.
For some unspoken reason, Ted Duncan is a home realtor who is sharing his reviews of wine gadgets under $40. I am upset that I never get to see his face in this video, but at least the vulgarity of the $29.99 Rabbit Wine Aerator is showcased in prime form.