North American Comedians Explain What Surprised them the Most About Australia

Growing up, my perception of Australia came entirely from an episode of the Simpsons. It was a continent where toilet water went backwards and international affairs were settled with a swift kick to the bum. As I got older I started to learn other tidbits about the country. Nick Cave was from there, which was cool, and they had that animal guy who met an untimely death in a tragic stingray accident. I knew there was good surfing, that big rock, and that a lot of the wildlife could supposedly kill you. But that was about it. Australia was just another place I hadn’t seen on the other side of the world. It was about as real to me as Narnia.

All of that changed a few years back when friends started going there for shows. The Australian Fringe circuit was popular enough that performers could tour the country for a few months and actually make money. The comedy scene was blossoming and The

Melbourne Comedy Festival

would book international acts for long runs of performances. Somebody would disappear for a couple of months then come back to Toronto looking tan and happy, regaling us all with anecdotes about sold out crowds and doing hand stuff on beaches. It seemed like a pretty cool place, somewhere worth going.

This month a handful of friends are making their way to Australia, doing festival gigs, and touring. I decided to ask the performers about the biggest culture shock they found visiting the country and whether or not the wildlife is as menacing as the rest of the world thinks it is. Their answers are below:

Asaf Gerchak , comedian

Australia is basically louder Canada, but with more outdoors stuff and, I guess, more abbreviations. There are differences. Aussies love the shit out of beets, drive on the left side of the street, and have a secret ultra-violent kind of football, but my emotional stability isn’t going to be affected just because beets are icky. Australia has more overt racism (ickier than beets!) but that just seems to me like it’s a more upfront version of all the other white countries, so again—louder Canada.

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Some slang is different here. When I got to the country I asked an Australian friend if Aussies know the term narc. I needed to check for one of my stand up bits. He looked confused and said no, but then later many Australians told me they do know it. It was weirdly comforting that it’s not always Australians having a wildly different vocabulary; sometimes your friend is just a ditz.

Kyle Kinane , comedian

I’ve only been to Melbourne and Sydney so far so there hasn’t been much culture shock. Modern cities where English is the primary language are pretty easy to navigate. I do like seeing Utes though and was actually checking to see if they’d sell them in America anytime soon. As for ferocious wildlife? I know all the koalas have herpes or whatever but I don’t think they’re aggressive about it. From the photos it seems they’re more ashamed about it really.

Amy Cunningham , stand-up

I can’t say I experienced any shock when coming here. Just a slow erosion of my sense of self and safety when, after going to place after place, I realized that the water in all the taps is tepid and people just go through their lives listlessly drinking the filtered room temperature water. Cold showers are just wet living room showers! It must do something to the psyche. Like make it more resistant to marriage equality.

People draw a lot of parallels between Australia and North America, but two weeks after landing here, I exposed an unbridgeable gap between our continents. I plugged my hair clippers into the Australian wall and they exploded. It felt like an infringement of my freedom to express my queer vegan identity through the perfectly articulated boundaries of my undercut.

Gillian English , storyteller

The biggest culture shock for me was the language difference. We all speak English, but sometimes it really doesn't feel like it. So many words mean different things here, or can sound completely made up; wrapping my brain around the vernacular was a challenge. Also, no one says “excuse me.” It boggles my mind! Melbournians, god love them, they walk a little slow, and every time I say “excuse me” to get by, I get shot the dirtiest looks. I honestly don't know why!

The animals are mostly fine except magpies during swooping season, or anytime really. I was in Melbourne waiting for a tram, minding my own business, and a magpie body checked me in the head. Feathers went in my eye, it was full-on. I cried out, because I'd just been the victim of an urban animal attack! The guy standing next to me just goes "Steady on mate, it was just a magpie." Very nonchalant attitude towards urban animal attacks.

These responses have been edited for length.

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