Man Who Stole Boozy, Severed Toe (Pissing Off Canada) Gives Toe Back

Ok, so I think we can all agree that at least nine times out of 10 when you get a severed digit sent to you in the mail it signals that you pissed off the mob. Well, this right here is a story about that rare exception because Sourtoe came home and fam—we can finally rest. As you may have recently heard, Canada as a whole was outraged when a man stole our drinking toe—our Sourtoe. For the uninitiated out there, the Sourtoe is a severed and dehydrated toe that spends its days up in the Yukon in the Downtown Hotel bar in Dawson City. For decades now, it has been a tourist attraction for the city because you can dunk that digit in a drink (typically Yukon Jack whiskey) and then slam it, making sure your lips touch the toe—it's estimated that almost 70,000 people have joined the Soutoe Cocktail Club. If you want to read more about the history of our toe and it's recent hijacking, you can read the story below:

Now, as you would expect, the man in charge of the toe was not goddamn happy with buddy who took it. To pull off the theft the dickhead talked a relatively inexperienced bartender into serving him the toe after "toe time" (9 to 11 p.m.) and just took it afterwards. Terry Lee, the Downtown Hotel's Toe Captain, called the man a "lowlife" and said that it was imperative that the bar gets their toe back. "Toes are very hard to come by," said Lee at the time of the theft. "And stunts like this adversely affect the whole community, not just the Downtown Hotel. We fortunately have a couple of backup toes but we really need this one back."

Well luckily, the bar isn't going have to bust out a backup toe. According to the RCMP, shortly after the initial story hit, the man—obvious realizing that Canada was ready to collectively take him behind the shed for a "word"—called the RCMP and the hotel to let them know he would be mailing the toe back. Thankfully, the embarrassed jerk kept his word and the hotel received the package on Thursday.

"To ensure the package was safe to open, it was brought to Corporal Jeff Myke from Dawson City RCMP for him to open," reads the RCMP press release. "Located inside the package was an apology letter, as well as the stolen toe. "At the time that the package was opened, the toe was believed to be in good condition." The man also called to offer a verbal apology to the hotel—it is not confirmed if he will be apologizing to each and every Canadian personally for his actions, as he should but this story will be updated if that happens. The RCMP added that no charges are likely to be laid in the Great Canadian Toe Theft of 2017. So rest easy fellow Canucks, the toe is once again home where it'll be dipped in hard alcohol and drank by tourists like a good severed toe should.

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