This article appeared originally on THUMP UK.Here's a great way to spend an hour/afternoon/day/week/month/year/lifetime/afterlife—type pretty much any song title you can think of into YouTube and add "hardcore" to it. Invariably you'll be able to listen to a unofficial bootleg of the song in question, where the bedroom remixer's decided that the best way to improve "Happy Birthday" or "Greensleeves" or Mozart's "Turkish March" is to inject it with a massively OTT rhythmic track that has absolutely no relation to the song in question whatsoever.
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And that's part of the joy and pleasure of this music—it gives taste a massive middle finger. It is craven and bloated, rough and ready, queasy and uneasy. It's music for provincial fairgrounds and library car parks, music that soundtracks adolescent escapades and feats of dering-do that'll go unrepeated. It is music as total freedom.Which is why we've put together this list of our ten favorite needlessly-massive hardcore remixes of all time. If you're in the mood for music that sounds pretty much just like a swarm of Buckfast-drunk bees repeatedly flying headfirst into a wall then you're in luck!Let's kick things off with an undisputed classic. We've written about the undeniable majesty of "Pretty Green Eyes" and it's the song that inspires pretty much 96% of the output on this website, being as it is the perfect summation of the sad wonder of UK nightlife at its most sentimental and trashy. Hixxy's remix is as functional as it gets but why would you fuck with a classic? You don't slather Reggae Reggae sauce on battered cod do you?Obviously a hardcore take on the Madonna classic is always going to be stunning. Take one of the most strangely affecting pop records ever made, whack a massively distorted kick that sounds like a concrete ping pong ball being smashed between rubberized tectonic plates underneath it, speed everything up to comedy-helium-voice levels and hey presto—you've got a song that'll perfectly soundtrack doing speed on a bouncy castle at a friend's daughter's christening.
1. Ultrabeat - Pretty Green Eyes (Hixxy Remix)
2. Madonna - Like a Prayer (Remix)
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3. ABBA - The Winner Takes it All (Hardstyle Hardhouse Hardcore Techno Trance Gabber Rave Version)
4. Bryan Adams - Everything I Do (Remix)
Hating the original of this is the kind of thing that makes sense when you're an overly-serious teen desperate to impress the opposite sex by overstating your own sense of self-seriousness. You like Oscar Wilde and math-rock. You dislike ITV and naff, mum-friendly balladry. By now, safely tucking into the three course meal of disappointment, regret, and failure that is life in your mid-twenties you can embrace Bryan with something that looks a bit like a smile if you squint really hard. Holy fuck, I'm old. Bryan Adams hasn't been a reference point for anyone for over a decade. Christ. Help. Fuck. Oh God, it happened.
5. Phil Collins - Another Day In Paradise (Hardcore Terror Mix)
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6. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under The Bridge (DJ Finchy Hardcore Remix)
7. Bjork - Joga (State of Emergency Mix)
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