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Play Pong With Dongs in ‘Schlong’

It’s Pong but with dicks and it’s free. Get on it.
Image: Schlong.

I love Pong. Much like Tetris or Pac-Man, it's an ancient game that stands the test of time. It's easy to pick up, infinitely replayable, and visually iconic. If there was a Mount Rushmore for the important video games that defined the medium and helped make it the cultural force that it is today, it would easily earn a spot.

But now that we've established that Pong deserves our respect, let's draw dicks all over it.

That's exactly what the free PC game Schlong does, and the results are…pleasing. Pong, as you probably know, is essentially a 2D tennis game. Each player controls a "pad," and they bounce the ball across the court at each other. When one player misses the ball, the other gets a point.

Schlong plays exactly the same, only instead of a pad each player control a colorful, floppy penis. This is pretty funny if you have the comedic sensibility of a six year old (which I do), but it also kind of changes up the Pong formula in an interesting way!

The physics of the game and the floppiness of the penises means that you can reach further and strike the ball harder if you swing your shaft correctly. Alternatively, you can strike the ball with one of your balls, which isn't as effective and seems kind of painful. It also seems that upon scoring your penis will sometime edjuclate rainbow-colored liquids in celebration, which is a nice touch.

You can grab Schlong for free from itch.io.