"Ahh, to be young again," they say. But if "they" were really to think back to what it was like to be 17 again, they would recall the tireless drama of acquiring abysmal fake IDs and begging older siblings to pick your friends up a bottle of apple schnapps from the sketchy liquor store at the outskirts of town.
Yes, being young is fun. But getting decent booze when you're underage can be quite an ordeal.
Not so much for the adolescents of Glasgow, who have apparently been avid clients of local "dial-a-drink" services, wherein a single phone call can yield quick delivery of Buckfast, terrible wine, and other forms of booze, no proof of age required.
Rest assured that Scottish teenagers are still guzzling the same horrific "drinks" that we were as minors, including a Four Loko knockoff called Dragon Soop and the ever-popular, hyperfluorescent MD 20/20, more commonly known as "mad dog." Anyone want to saunter down to the train tracks and sip on some Electric Melon?
But Glasgow's police force has caught on to this illegal merriment, and is vowing to search and destroy when it comes to these "rogue dial-a-drink services," according to the Daily Record. (Is anyone else in New York having Phrosties flashbacks?)
Last week, police arrested a 36-year-old man and a 37-year-old woman for allegedly running an after-hours booze-delivery service online, including to underage drinkers. Dubbed "Operation Talpa," the seige uncovered drugs and a firearm on top of a slew of crappy forms of alcohol coveted by thirsty youngsters. While services of this type are thought to be very prevalent in Scotland, especially via social media, Operation Talpa was the first time that UK police have arrested anyone for this illegally delivery of alcohol between the hours of midnight and 6 AM.
"We are aware of alcohol delivery services who deliver to underage children," Superintendent Thom McLoughlin told the Evening Times. "The people behind these websites don't care about who they are selling to, all they care about it profit."
Well, no shit. After all, handing over a bottle of Buckfast and a six-pack of Dragon Soop to a 14-year-old probably isn't going to end in intellectual growth and good clean fun for the kid.
But if we're ever in Glasgow at 4 AM desperately craving a bottle of Peaches and Cream-flavored MD 20/20, now we'll know where to look. Just don't tell the cops—or my mom.
WATCH: Buckfast Reigns in The MUNCHIES Guide to Scotland