Admittedly, we’re suckers for a good bit. Trying to sell us on a bag that’s shaped like a chicken? Say less. Want to talk about a body cream that’s designed to make your bum smell like a piña colada? Bottoms-up, mate. We’re staunch advocates of getting your kicks wherever you can find ‘em, because you deserve as much serotonin as a Shrek anal plug can provide.
So it should comes as no surprise to learn that we love us some novelty sex toys. Meaning, sex toys that don’t always look like sex toys, but rather like pickles, lipstick, or aren’t visible at all (get ready for vibrating panties). Life is good, but it’s also too short not to shake things up a bit with a cherry-shaped vibrator that sits up on a shelf around your house like a cute tchotchke, and leaves the world none the wiser as to what it really is. Discreet vibrators can be sleek and minimalist, for sure, but they can also be playful.
Whether you’re looking for a lowkey sex toy to take on vacation, a novelty gift, or if you’ve always wanted to dry-hump a starfish, here are some of our favorite discreet vibrators to knock your socks off with a little more panache.
She’s my cherry pie
We need a dozen of these cherry-shaped external vibrators to pass out to friends, lovers, and to toss from our window like The Pope of Horny. In the world of vibrators that look like anything but, Emojibator reigns supreme. This 10-speed toy is the cherry on top of its playful gamut of camouflaged sex toys.
A banana for your Minion thong
This bullet vibrator is sheathed by none other than a hot pink banana, which in turn comes with its own translucent fanny pack for on-the-go fun—a nice touch. We’d also slide it into this hand-made Minion Willy Warmer, and toss it over our shoulder like a drawstring bag.
Get your [redacted] eaten by a demogorgon
Cute Little Fuckers was founded by Step Tranovich to bring more inclusivity and imagination to the sex toy industry with vibrators designed for folks of all genders. The brand’s Starsi vibrator is one of our favorite waterproof sex toys to sit-on in the bath, hump in our beds, and use as a palm vibrator for targeted external stimulation. According to the site, “transfemme vibrator seekers with genital dysphoria especially tend to enjoy Starsi for its ability to “cover genitalia with a gently curved vulva-like feel.” It’s modeled after a starfish, but it also looks like a bb demogorgon.
A rose by any other name
… would not suck your clit. If you’ve had your horny eyes on the internet at all this summer, you’ve clocked the influx of rosebud-shaped clitoral vibes on TikTok; the hashtag #rosetoy has over 191 million views on the app, and reviewers of the Lovehoney rose vibrator are saying it’s über quiet, easy to clean (and store), and targets your clit like a pro.
Tickle your pickle
Brine is extra hot right now. The New York Times declared pickles to be summer’s “big flavor,” and we’re extending that knighthood to our sexual pantries with this pickle-shaped vibrator from Emojibator, which makes some of our favorite novelty dill-dos (sorry, Mom) for White Elephant party gifts.
They make vibrator jewelry
Who needs a pearl necklace when you can flaunt Crave’s Vesper vibrator necklace? It’s earned a 4.4-star average rating on Amazon from over 740 reviews. “The charger is tiny, the vibrator is tiny. Even if you don't wear it as a necklace, it takes up no space in your bag,” writes one fan. “...it's pretty [and] the look doesn't scream sex toy. So it's very easy to introduce people to, even if they're not used to sex toys.”
A bullet lipstick vibrator
Ah, the classic lipstick vibrator. Not only is it one of the most iconic kinds of bullet vibrators for direct clitoral stimulation, but it’s so compact that it can easily slide into your toiletry bag or carry-on. Crave’s golden tube is sexy in a James Bond type of way, but we’re also partial to Blush’s black tube in an “I have a membership to Hollywood’s Magic Castle” kind of way.
Discreet vibrating underwear sounds like something we cooked up in a lucid dream and/or Pee-wee’s Playhouse, but it’s actually a great way to get in a clandestine spank sesh with yourself, especially if you’re into humping and grinding sex toys, or letting your partner edge you with the vibrating liner’s remote. We-Vibe’s Moxie vibrator has a powerful but quiet engine, and can fasten itself to any pair of undies with its trusty magnetic clip.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.