The Best Halloween Sex Toys for Blowing Your Gourd This Fall

Has your penis penetrated a pumpkin? Do you wet dream in shades of PSL (pumpkin spice latte; keep up, Brad) about making out with Vincent Price—nay, the skeleton of Vincent Price—on the reg? Then velcome [opens cape] to ze horniest of Halloween sex toy guides, where we unearth the spookiest sexual accessories for your hot, lycanthropic rituals this year. 

There are all kinds of weeeeeird sex toys out there, and while they’re not always Halloween-specific, I’ll be damned to Beezlebub’s lap if a pair of red, fluffy handcuffs doesn’t slap a little bit harder during the spooky season. Hell, even the traditional witch’s broom, or “besom,” was actually mounted by its owner in the reverse, so as to represent a phallus. Fall is, simply put, hellishly hot girl shit. 

Of course, you have to find your flavor of spooky. Do you want to feel like Gandalf the Great Load, courtesy of a glow-in-the-dark vibrator wand? Why not gift a pumpkin butt plug to your lover? We’ve got spankers, thrusters, and a beginner’s Wartenberg wheel that would make Dr. Frankenstein blush. 

If all of this sounds like a Pretty Good Monday to you, then into the woods we go, leaving nary a ghostly nipple clamp behind…

You don’t come across five-star average rated tentacles that often, man, which is a shame, because they have all the potential to be a truly multi-tasking toy; not only is this octopus arm textured, but the curvature also makes it a great G-spot toy and a VICE editor favorite (it me). “Everything about this is delicious,” writes one Amazon reviewer, “The ridges, the cool texture of the glass, [it] feels amazing. [It] feels great for clit play as well as penetrative [and] the bumps on the side feel amazing when it goes in and out.”

Turn out the lights and go bump in the night with a glow-in-the-dark mini-massager wand. At just over seven inches long, it’s an ideal sex toy to take on vacation, it’s USB-recharcheable (and thus more environmentally friendly), and it packs seven different patterns and 10 intensities.  

Looking to summon the ghost of Jim Morrison? Place this glow-in-the-dark butt plug at the altar of everyone’s favorite back door man.

It has been a big year for aliens, from would-be alien corpses being presented at Mexico’s congress to a former United States’ intelligence official claiming that the government has “intact and partially intact” aircrafts that were, well, not made by humans. This little glow-in-the-dark bro has been praised by Amazon reviewers as an excellent travel-sized sex toy, whether you’re planning on traveling to Bakersfield or Uranus.

Pumpkin Spice Latte? Pffft. You have your hands—and your mouth—full with a meatier gourd this season with festive ball gag. 

When it comes to sexual spanking, there’s nothing wrong with ye olde hand. But have you ever tried a paddle? Halloween offers you and your partner(s) a rad, festive stage for getting a little kinkier with a paddle, like this E-stim one that has a light electric current. “A near impossible sensation to describe,” says the toy’s maker, “[It] feels like a cross between throbby vibrations, [and] widespread tingles.” 

If you’re looking for something sans shock, Glutton for Punishment makes hand-crafted paddles that deserve to star in their own hot horror movie, like this booty cleaver: 

Have you tried flavored lube yet? YOLO, matey. Combine salted caramel lube with a sensuous pumpkin spice latte massage oil, and there’s no need to buy candy. It’ll be like going trick-or-treating in your [redacted]! 

If it’s a classic carved Jack ‘O Lantern you seek, this Etsy boutique has plugs available in various sizes with a grinning guy for your derrière.

(It’s an evil laugh.) Also, how cute are these for thine boo-bies? Wear them to the strip club on H-ween night with the rest of the Rae Dunn ghouls.  

Look, cryptid hunters mean business. One Nessie-obsessed dude even offered a $2 million reward for proof of Scotland’s iconic lake monster, so grab a camera and shoot your shot. If that doesn’t work, you can always see how much he would pay for a picture of the Cockness Monster in your own loch. Bring home the beasty while it’s 15% off with the code FANTASY15.

Or the left. Whatever is your pleasure. This off-brand Vajankle penis masturbator has been branded into my brain, so now it has to be in your brain, too. If you’re into feet, this is really your season.  

Igor, what’s our safe word for the BDSM sex dungeon? If you and your hunny are into sensation play, The Kink Shop makes a spicy electro-rod that is shaped a little less like a lightsaber, and more like a Medieval Times prop:

And have you ever tried a Wartenberg wheel? If you’re into ASMR or have always loved light, prickly massaging tools, this introductory-level wheel can open you up to a whole world of relaxation both in and outside of le bedroom.  

Would you like to be dripped upon like an 800-year-old chandelier owned by an opera house ghost? Of course you would. In all seriousness, candle play is a really special part of sex magic that can really improve your intuitive relationship with intimacy and the body, whether you’re working with dripping candles or bougie massage candles.

Handcuffs are such a classic, and this red, faux-fur set would be perfect for doubling up as a Halloween costume accessory. Even when the spooky season is long gone, you can hang these bad boys on your bedpost. (Also, does anyone even have bed posts anymore? Just a thought.) 

How about your penis? Like our fluffy handcuffs, these are the perfect subtly horny accessory that can level up your Catwoman costume, and be brought into the bedroom. 

If you run on Jerry Time and on Goblin Time, you’re probably just as aroused as we are upon finding this custom Brümhilda dildo.

While technically not a sex toy, nothing is stopping you from grinding on the face funnel of this faux latex BDSM gas mask. It sure would make an excellent Halloween mask, too…

Happy spooky season, Halloweeners. 

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.