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The Best Halloween Sex Toys for Blowing Your Gourd This Fall

The best pumpkin butt plugs, tentacle dildos, and disembodied feet for you and your nethers to do the monster smash.
MF
New York, US
October 14, 2021, 7:42pm
the best halloween sex toys and bdsm products
Composite by VICE Staff

Has your penis penetrated a pumpkin? Do you wet dream in shades of PSL (pumpkin spice latte; keep up, Brad) about making out with Vincent Price––nay, the skeleton of Vincent Price—on the reg? Then velcome [opens cape] to ze horniest of Halloween sex toy guides, where we unearth the spookiest sexual accessories for your hot, lycanthropic rituals this year. 

There are all kinds of weeeeeird sex toys out there, and while they’re not always Halloween-specific, I’ll be damned to Beezlebub’s lap if a pair of red, fluffy handcuffs doesn’t slap a little bit harder during the spooky season. Hell, even the traditional witch’s broom, or “besom,” was actually mounted by its owner in the reverse, so as to represent a phallus. Fall is, simply put, hellishly hot girl shit. 

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Of course, you have to find your flavor of spooky. Do you want to feel like Gandalf the Great Load, courtesy of a glow-in-the-dark vibrator wand? Why not gift a hand-blown glass pumpkin plug to your lover? We’ve got spankers, thrusters, and a beginner’s Wartenberg wheel that would make Dr. Frankenstein blush. 

If all of this sounds like a Pretty Good Thursday to you, then into the woods we go, leaving nary a ghostly nipple clamp behind…

It came from the deep 

You don’t come across five-star rated tentacles that often, man, which is a shame, because they have all the potential to be a truly multi-tasking toy; not only is this octopus arm textured, but the curvature also makes it a great G-spot toy. “Everything about this is delicious,” writes one reviewer, “The ridges, the cool texture of the glass, [it] feels amazing. [It] feels great for clit play as well as penetrative [and] the bumps on the side feel amazing when it goes in and out.”

Lovehoney

Tentacle Textured Sensual Glass Dildo

You’re a wizard, hairy

Turn out the lights and go bump in the night with a glow-in-the-dark mini-massager wand. At just over seven inches long, it’s an ideal sex toy to take on vacation, it’s USB-recharcheable (and thus more environmentally friendly), and it packs seven different patterns and 10 intensities.  

Lovehoney

Glow-in-the-Dark Deluxe Mini Massage Wand Vibrator

Looking to summon the ghost of Jim Morrison? Place this glow-in-the-dark butt plug at the altar of everyone’s favorite back door man.

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Lovehoney

Sensual Glass Glow-in-the-Dark Butt Plug

Bottoms up 

When it comes to sexual spanking, there’s nothing wrong with ye olde hand. But have you ever tried a paddle? Halloween offers you and your partner(s) a rad, festive stage for getting a little kinkier with a paddle, like this one that has a light electric current. “A near impossible sensation to describe,” says the toy’s maker, “[It] feels like a cross between throbby vibrations, [and] widespread tingles.” 

ElectraStim

ElectraPaddle Leather Spanking Paddle

If you’re looking for something sans shock Glutton for Punishment makes hand-crafted paddles that deserve to star in their own hot horror movie, like this booty cleaver: 

Spice up your lube 

Combine salted caramel lube with a sensuous pumpkin spice latte massage oil, and there’s no need to buy candy. It’ll be like going trick-or-treating in your [redacted]! 

Wicked Sensual Care

Salted Caramel Lube

Eclectic Lady

Pumpkin Spice Massage Oil

The moaning ghost 

We love a top-rated, artisanal H-ween dildo, and we almost love its reviews even more: “I ain't never bust like that 🥴," writes one happy, haunted customer. "Pretty sure this has ensured my being disappointed by any actual human being. It arrived with a couple candies and is COMPLETELY scentless––Nothing even SLIGHT, which is AWESOME. It is such a wonderful little friend.” Aw. 

RozieMarshallAuthor

Hauntingly Satisfying Ghost Dildo

A Great Pumpkin for your Charlie Brown

Get it? Cause it goes up your butt? This gorgeous ~objet~ deserves a high place on your self-pleasure altar. Check out the rest of the glass dildos at this artisan’s store, it’s one to keep open in your tabs all year long. 

Simply Elegant Glass

Pumpkin Spice Butt Plug

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Your spooky, but you #LiveLaughLove

(It’s an evil laugh.) Also, how cute are these for thine boo-bies? Wear them to the strip club on H-ween night with the rest of the Rae Dunn ghouls.  

The Twisted Screw

Halloween "Boo-bies" Nipple Clamps

Get off on the right foot 

Or the left. Whatever is your pleasure. This off-brand Vajankle penis masturbator has been branded into my brain, so now it has to be in your brain, too. If you’re into feet, this is really your season.  

Bestoyard

Realistic Foot Penis Masturbator

For a little torture chamber roleplay

Igor, what’s our safe word? If you and your hunny are into sensation play, Doc Johnson makes a top-rated electro-rod. “It makes a fantastic crack which is possibly the scariest part,” writes one reviewer, “and the actual shocks are not too much. A single charged zap is great fun.”

Doc Johnson

The Stinger Electro Play Wand

And have you ever tried a Wartenberg wheel? If you’re into ASMR or have always loved light, prickly massaging tools, this introductory-level wheel can open you up to a whole world of relaxation both in and outside of le bedroom.  

Master Series

Beginner's Mini Sensation Pinwheel

House of wax

Would you like to be dripped upon like an 800-year-old chandelier owned by an opera house ghost? Of course you would. In all seriousness, candle play is a really special part of sex magic that can really improve your intuitive relationship with intimacy and the body.  

Doc Johnson

Japanese Hot Wax Drip Bondage Candles (3 Pack)

Because it’s cuffing season

Handcuffs are such a classic, and this red, faux-fur set would be perfect for doubling up as a Halloween costume accessory. Even when the spooky season is long gone, you can hang these bad boys on your bedpost. So hot. Also, does anyone even have bed posts anymore? Just a thought. 

Lovehoney

Red Furry Handcuffs

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Cat got your tongue? 

How about your penis? Like our fluffy handcuffs, these are the perfect subtly horny accessory that can level up your Catwoman costume, and be brought into the bedroom. 

Hicarer

Gothic Finger Claws

Headbangers Ball(s)

Think of it as a forever boner. This skeletal dildo is a work of spooky art, and its wide face of a base makes it an ideal humping and grinding sex toy. In the words of one reviewer, “​​It's goth and cute! I can't wait to shove this skull up my booty.”  

RccCreationsShop

Bat Slammer Skull Dildo

Children of the corn

Few places lend themselves to Halloween energy better than the Midwest. There’s just something about a cornfield that gets us in a creepy mood, and something about a corn on the cob dildo that makes us want to spank the bank on a haunted tractor.  

Secret Sex Gift

Corn Dildo

For a great gag gift 

Pumpkin Spice Latte? Pffft. You have your hands—and your mouth—full with a meatier gourd this season. 

Geeky Sex Toys

Halloween Pumpkin Ball Gag

Happy spook season, Halloweeners. 


The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.