The Champagne of THC Seltzers for My Sophisticated Friends

Miller High Life has crowned itself the Champagne of Beers, but I think I’ve found the Champagne of THC Seltzers: the Altua Passion Fruit Hemp-Infused Spritzer. It’s decadent and delicious, and maybe the future of cannabis drinks. Here’s my full review. 

Standard Strength

These seltzers contain 5mg Delta-9 THC, a standard dose for most THC drinks on the market. It’s enough to get the average person high, but not so much that it will be uncomfortable. The hemp-derived THC isn’t accompanied by any CBD or other cannabinoids, which usually bums me out (I love a drink with both!), but it turns out this recipe is delightful without the entourage effect. 

Smooth Operator

A lot of drink formulas with THC and no CBD can create a jittery high, but the sensation from the Altua Passion Fruit is as smooth as a hot knife through cannabutter. The comeup is gentle, as is the comedown, with the high lasting an hour or two, for me at least. The effects might last longer for someone with a low THC tolerance. 

It felt like the perfect vacation high, where I’d be happy to lie in the sun for hours or walk around a new city. If you drink multiple cans (which you know I did), the high builds to a dreamy place that’s fun but controlled and clear. No anxiety or sleepiness, just light euphoria.

Champagne Solutions

I’m dubbing this the bougie THC seltzer because Altua used a “Champagne-inspired base” to create the rich and luscious flavor profile. What does Champagne-inspired mean, exactly? They used white grape juice concentrate and Sauvignon Blanc flavor. So if you think it tastes a little wine-y, you’d be right. But still, there’s no alcohol. 

This drink has a deep, robust flavor, while still being light. Some drinks offer a subtle, sparkling flavor profile, but this one is impossible to ignore. The passion fruit taste is there from the first sip to the final aftertaste. It’s slightly tart and very fruity, but feels mellow on your palate. By the way, there’s no hempy flavor here. 

One of my favorite things is that they are bubbly but not overly carbonated. What I’m saying is they don’t give me heartburn or make me feel bloated, like so many other super-duper sparkling seltzers. The texture feels more thoughtful and refined than that. 

Gilded and Gorgeous

Much like the flavor, the Altua brand has a sophisticated aesthetic. The matte white cans have a chic vibe without being stuffy. They amped up the luxe look by using a gold can, not silver like all those basic bitches. From the stenciled brand name to the elegant fruit graphics that show off the flavor, the Altua look is hard not to find alluring. 

The vibe is so wonderfully elevated that it wouldn’t feel wrong to enjoy a glass of this along with a fancy meal. Would you drink a White Claw with a Wagyu steak? Mmmmmm, maybe not. But something like this is where THC drinks and upscale dining can meet. 

Champagne on a Beer Budget

Despite the sophistication of this beverage, it’s priced lower than many of its competitors. It’s $5 per can, period. It doesn’t matter how many you buy; there’s no subscribe and save option. As much as I love a discount or deal, there’s something satisfying about this straightforwardness. I’d say the standard cost for a 5mg THC drink is about $6, so this is a deal all on its own. 

It’s Giving Gourmet

There’s a scene in the Netflix show Bojack Horseman where he talks about how being a reformed alcoholic makes it hard to order drinks at a high-class dinner. He jokes about ordering an Arnold Palmer with bucatini carbonara. For folks who are California sober, I imagine there’s a similar sentiment. 

Brands like Altua are introducing THC drinks that are less frat party and more French Laundry. I see the future of cannabis, and it’s gourmet, like the Altua Passion Fruit Hemp-Infused Spritzer.