Are You Guilty of Ego Scrolling?

People use dating apps for a variety of reasons. To find love. To meet new people. To hook up. To get validation. 

However, despite your dating intentions, a major trend for many online daters is “ego scrolling.” Basically, this means scrolling for an ego hit rather than for a genuine connection. Some don’t even realize what they’re doing or why they’re doing it.

“When someone struggles with insecurity and seeking outside validation, they will often resort to ego scrolling to help them cope with these struggles,” Angelika Koch, Relationship & Breakup Expert at Taimi. “Ego scrolling can become a habit when it is incorporated into your daily practice.”

What is ego scrolling?

If you’ve ever used dating apps, you’ve likely caught yourself scrolling for minutes on end, perhaps while binge-watching your favorite show on the couch on a Friday night. Or, on the other hand, maybe you’ve noticed a ton of matches adding up with little communication from them. 

With so many people “ego scrolling” and refusing to put any sort of real effort into connecting with others, the dating apps can feel pointless. Stimulating conversations are few and far between, and daters are just looking for that quick hit of dopamine. 

Every new match tells the person, “You’re attractive and interesting enough to swipe right on.” And sometimes, that’s enough to satisfy the other person. So much so, they’re not even interested in digging any deeper.

However, while this is a common pattern for many online daters, it’s a slippery slope when it comes to mental health.

“When someone becomes reliant on dating apps to help themselves cope with their insecurities, they set themselves up to solidify the need to find validation through outside sources and prevent them from creating deep and meaningful connections,” Koch said.

Signs of ego scrolling

Koch outlined a few key signs you’re prone to ego scrolling:

• It’s part of your routine: Maybe you wake up and immediately grab your phone to check your matches and scroll through Hinge. This is clear sign that your aimless scrolling is becoming a habit.
• You’re more focused on who likes you than who you like: Rather than swiping on new people in your feed, you might just pay attention to those who like your profile. You get off on the compliments you receive, even if you’re not interested in the people giving them. Rather than swiping to form a connection, you just scroll through those who swiped on you first, as this feeds your ego. 
• You don’t message often: You might like the idea of meeting someone on the dating apps, but when it comes to actually talking to them, you don’t have the energy. Really, you’re more interested in seeing whether someone like you (and, let’s be honest, your photos) than getting to know the person behind the like/match.
• You feel rejected when someone doesn’t like you back: If you’re triggered by someone not matching back with you, this might be a red flag that you’re relying too heavily on validation for self-esteem.

How to stop ego scrolling

Obviously, ego scrolling is not a healthy practice. So…what can you do about it?

“If you realize you’re ego scrolling, ask yourself what you want for your future and for yourself,” Koch recommended. “Do you want a list of superficial connections that do nothing more than boost your ego, or do you want to create something deep, fulfilling, and meaningful?”

Challenge yourself to actually talk to your matches, and maybe focus on one or two people at a time so you’re not overwhelming yourself. 

Additionally, you can set a limit for the amount of time spent scrolling. Prioritize conversations over swiping. 

Lastly, of course, find ways you can internally validate yourself rather than relying on other people to do it for you. 

“It’s important to remember that ego scrolling stems from the feeling of worthlessness and desire for constant validation,” Koch said.