Are You in a Delusionship?

You’ve likely heard of the term “situationship,” which is basically a sexual or romantic relationship that lacks labels and exclusivity. But what about a “delusionship?”

This imaginary, unrequited relationship is really just a fantasy—and it can be dangerous. If you’re constantly feeding into a connection that doesn’t exist, you can miss out on genuine relationships and fuel attachment to a person who isn’t even an integral part of your life.

Here’s everything you should know about delusionships—and signs you might be in one.

What is a delusionship?

A delusionship is basically a one-sided crush or fantasy connection that holds no merit in reality. 

“It’s the infatuation that you have for someone you don’t have an established relationship with—someone you see on the train every morning, or someone you have matched with on a dating app but haven’t met up with yet,” Bumble’s dating coach, Dr. Caroline West, told Glamour.

While this might just sound like your average crush, a delusionship takes it one step further.

“With a crush, we may have feelings for someone (that we may or may not know) or think this person is attractive,” therapist Leanna Stockard, LMFT, told The Knot. “With a delusionship, we emphasize that crush by beginning to fantasize about our life with our crush, idealizing who we think they are as a person.”

The scariest part of a delusionship is that the object of your interest might not even know you exist. Or, on the other hand, they might feel completely indifferent about you. So realistically, you’re feeding into a damaging fantasy that can quickly spiral into heartbreak, triggering misplaced anger and grief toward the other person.

Not to mention, “Delusionships can also impact potential future relationships,” Stockard told The Knot. “We may find ourselves … remaining so focused on our fantasy that we keep ourselves from pursuing any real life relationships, hoping that the delusionship will work out.”

Signs you’re in a delusionship

Are you worried you’re trapped in a delusionship? You’re not alone. Here are five signs you’re in a delusionship with someone.

1. You’re never actually met the person.

You can’t build a meaningful relationship with someone you’ve never actually met or interacted with. Despite how connected you might feel via parasocial relationships online, these don’t count as actual, fulfilling relationships. If you’re obsessing over your perceived connection to someone you’ve never even spoken to or met in the real world, you might be in a delusionship. 

2. You hold on to every minor interaction with them.

Maybe you have met the other person in real life, but your interactions are limited. Because of this, you find yourself holding on to every minor form of communication you share. Maybe you take their glance in your direction as a form of flirting, or perhaps their bare-minimum text response keeps you hooked for weeks. This is a clear sign that the “relationship” is in your head.

3. They’re dating other people.

If you’re feeding a fantasy with someone who is actively seeing other romantic interests, this is a major red flag that you’re trapped in a delusionship. Of course, this might sound similar to a situationship, which also lacks labels; but a delusionship goes a bit deeper by assuming the other person is more committed than not. Within a situationship, there’s typically more awareness around the dynamic.

4. You’re building fantasies in your head.

If your connection with/to someone is dependent on the fantasies in your mind, you’re likely in a delusionship. Many people will plan an entire future with another person merely in their own heads, failing to acknowledge that there’s no actual foundation. For a relationship to be authentic, both parties must be aware and engaged.