ATLANTA – STAYIN’ SKANKY

In our Guide to Atlanta we teach you how to shoot fire out of a pussy and where to get laid by a man if you are a man and what to call certain things if you don’t want to get laughed out of town. Throughout it all are numerous mentions of The Clermont Lounge, Atlanta’s favorite strip club where MIWNLF (those two extra letters stand for “would not”) dance to “Free Bird” while their floopy tits slap you in the face or crush a beer can. Obviously it is a very special place and when we heard it was in talks of foreclosing we got really scared–the IHOP on North Ave. probably doesn’t need four or five new waitresses. We called up the office of its owner, Inman Park Properties, to see what was going on.

VICE: Hello. Is the sad news true? Is the Clermont really foreclosing?
Inman Park Properties: No. It’s been taken care of.

Great! Let’s talk about this.
I can’t tell you any other information.

But how will this affect the lounge and the cheap beer and all the strippers? What will they do? They can’t move back to their parents’ houses if they lose their jobs; they’re really old and their parents are probably dead.
I really can’t tell you any other information.

OK, OK. But it’s staying skanky, right?
(Silence.)

Fine. We did our own research and found out Inman Park Properties struck a deal with its lender, putting off foreclosure for three months. Even better news—the downstairs lounge won’t even be affected by whatever happens because it has a separate owner. Now you know!

ELLIS JONES