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Girl Eats Food - Chocolate Pizza

We've all heard of Italy - but have you ever eaten Italian food?

“EHHH? OHHH! Fuhgeddaboutit! Armani! Citroën Picasso!” Italian. You’ve all heard it before. You’ve all seen their paintings, listened to their rap music and watched their television dramas as well. But have you ever seen Italian food? Have you ever watched the sun set over a mighty plate of dough balls? Or dipped your toes into a bowl of pesto Fusilli to the hum of the gondola? I have, and that’s why Italian food means so much to me.


Especially pizza.

The pizza is basically an open, melted sandwich traditionally served as a main. But comics used to be for children and the internet used to be cat-free; so clearly, things change. With that in mind, here’s my pizza desert.

Chocolate Pizza

You can use a ready-made pizza base if you’re a lazy troglodyte, but we’re still keeping up the pretence that I know how to use my oven, so home-made dough it is.


2 x cups of self-raising flour
2 x tsp. of baking powder
2/3 x cup of milk
6 x tbsp of sunflower oil
Lots x milk chocolate
1 x bag of marshmallows
Garnish of your choice (eg. M&Ms, Lion bars, crushing fear of being alone)

Step 1.

Good dough requires a hella lot of abuse, so don’t stop kneading all the ingredients together into a ball until you’ve lost feeling in your arms and you're seriously bored.

Step 2.

Oil up your ball some more and punch it onto a baking tray on some non-stick paper. You need it to be concave so all the horrible children's food you're going to put on it doesn't leak all over your oven. Bake for 20 minutes or until golden, at 200c. S

tep 3.

Obviously, you need to start melting chocolate over some hot water. Really you shouldn't need me to show you how to do this. Just put as much as you want in and watch the miracle of physics and chemistry coming together to turn your familiar chocolate bar into a strange and foreign brown gloop.

Step 4.


Imagine your chocolate is tomato paste, and therefore, most likely quite good for you. Slather it on as though every bite will keep you one step further from the grave. Ignore the bit of your brain calling this: Fucking Grim.

Step 5.

Top your pizza with marshmallow; nature's cheese.

Step 6.

Totally how it’s supposed to look you guyz.

Garnish with sprinkles of your choice. God that looks bad.

Seriously. I think I fucked it up this time. Oh well, you live by the chocolate pizza, you die by the chocolate pizza.




Previously: Girl Eats Food - Anti-Riot Battered Sausage

Really fucking hungry? Check out Joanna Fuertes-Knight's (totally free) online cookbook! It's got every Girl Eats Food recipe ever in it.