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Sex

Alice Dellal's tits freaked the Daily Mail out so much they forgot to mention cancer

We could easily give up on all the features where we get interns to stick their fingers into one another for sweeties and just fill this blog full of LOLs at the Daily Mail, but that's what these dudes do so well already. Still, Satan handed us an opportunity when the Hate Mail bastards wrote about us yesterday. Why? Because they hate Alice Dellal's tits and found a piece we did featuring them over a year ago. They're nuts because they're great tits, and much nicer than Princess Michael of Kent's. Just have a look.

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Alice Dellal's tits

Furious Daily Mail editorial

I think they must have noticed the 14-month-old shoot because of the Stories of the Eye competition we're running at the moment. Maybe they spotted it over the shoulder of the Independent writer who did this, as now the two diametrically opposed newspapers share an office. Anyway, the Daily Mail thinks Alice's ripped tights are grotesque, blah blah blah… Below is a funny list of everyday household things that the paranoid maniacs at the Mail reckon have magical powers over cancer. (Thanks to Ben Goldacre. It's pretty much nicked from what he said this morning on Radio 4, but then he does say it all the time, so it's ripe for a nicking.)

These things cause cancer, so watch out!

Divorce

Wi-Fi

Deodorants

Facebook

Sausages and burgers

Cooking food

Junk food

Coffee

These things prevent cancer, so make sure to consume them endlessly!

Rosemary

Spicy food

Eating slowly

Booze

Tomatoes

Not eating

Coffee (Clearly a very complex drink.)

Crusts

Chilis

Great work, Daily Mail. I feel very educated now. The liberal media mafia may not have the guts to tell us that only raw food won't give us cancer, but you guys do.