Internet Smoothie

CELEBRITIES SAY THE MOST IMPLAUSIBLE THINGS!
I haven't read either of these stories because I know that, with headlines this amazing, there's no way the reality can live up to it (in my head, the James Blunt story plays out like that game 50 Cent made where he single-handedly defeats Iraq. Only it's James Blunt instead of Fiddy and it's in slow motion and black and white and it's snowing ash and "You're Beautiful" is playing and he's crying).

But if you wanna read it, then that's fine. Go here.

Same with this one. Not gonna ruin it by reading about what actually happened. But you can.

"A VIDEO MOVIE COULD IMPROVE YOUR LIFE"

I found this YouTube channel a couple of days ago. I can't write anything about it, because I still haven't really figured out what it is. All I know is that (for once) I'm 100% sure that they are 100% for realsies. Beyond that though, I have no idea WTF Is happening here:

THIS WEEK IN TERRIBLE DECISIONS

FUUUUUUUCK Chris Brown! How did this happen? You do realise that you are, to most people, famous for beating up Rihanna, right? For you to do a song with lines like "I find another girl/ Who knows just what I need/ She knows just what I mean/ When I tell her keep it drama free" is unwise. For you to have that line AND a vehicular Ike and Tina reference (seriously, that actually happens. At 3:30) is suicide. But then to do both of those things over a Rihanna sample? Holy shit Chris! You need to start firing your people NOW.

THERE IS ACTUALLY A SONG THAT CONTAINS THE LINE "THIS IS MEGA-NIGGA. ULTRA NIGMATIC"

Ahahahahaha! This is amazing, to make that Nicki Minaj/Will.I.Am song more marketable in the UK, they've used 90s sit-com quality bluescreen technology to stick Cheryl Cole in there. I hope this is so successful that they start doing it with all things that are big in the US but not the UK, like The Boondock Saints or ranch dressing.

Oh wait, should I have made a joke about her having to be bluescreened in there because she can't be trusted around black people? Would that have been funnier?

WORLD'S SHORTEST PERIOD OF REMORSE DISCOVERED

Writing this, I'm just about to go to bed. If I get up in the morning and this hasn't been autotuned, I'll lose all faith in the internet.

UPDATE: I'm now awake and it isn't autotuned. WTF internet!? Am I gonna have to work out how to do this myself?

JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE