This morning, amid the usual cigarette butts and plastic bags of bulimia-vomit (still there, by the way), our office manager found one of those cell phones with built-in two-way radio. After browsing through the contacts and trying "Mam" and "Dad"—both disconnected, intriguingly—we finally bit the bullet and hit the radio button. Five seconds later the phone beeped and a guy's voice said "30 minutes." When we asked him what happens in 30 minutes, he told us "That's when I pay you. Duh." Now here's what's bugging us: We did a little snooping through the text messages and turns out (big surprise) the phone belongs to a coke dealer, but what kind of business model is this guy operating on? Does he call all his customers whenever he wants to make a sale, or is this one dude buying so often that he's got a direct hotline rigged up to his guy? Or maybe we've just fallen into to one of the most poorly thought-out police stings of all time.