When I was growing up literature taught me that University was a place for revolutionaries and homosexuals. If only. One term in and all I have learnt is that a pair of Cheap Mondays don't make you an interesting person and having heard the Aeroplane Remix of 'Paris' doesn't mean you like music. Here are five of the annoying habits of my student pals which have forced me to isolate myself.1. They enjoy inner city rock climbing.
Climbing plastic rocks doesn't: a) confirm your true punk instincts by shunning the crass commercialism of sports like football, or, b) separate you from the snobbishness of the intellectual class by showing your passion for actual experiences as well as intellectual ones. In fact it probably means you're an aggressive virgin destined to be a currier (alright alright, courier) who gets flattened by a bus.2. They read aloud on the bus.
People who aren't born in cities think that all public transport is a platform for their humour. It doesn't matter if you're reading Keats or some ironic 1970s self-help book you picked up at Broadway Market, the N36 doesn't want to hear it and it makes me look like a dick by association. I actually think it's going to take a stabbing to stop them doing it.3. They developed an obsession with Nineties British R'n'B. This isn't a joke, everyone got obsessed with this shit. FYI dickheads: Liking shit music isn't 'The Truth'.4. They started a Christmas and cocaine themed club night.
This one really pissed me off. The club only ran once, and was called 'Let it Snow, Snow, Snow'. It was put on by these two girls who thought that a copy of The Slits' 'Heard It Through the Grapevine' was a passport to alt immortality and made the fliers by scrawling on Christmas cards. 5. They went on and on about zombies
Like goths about vampires, hipkids love to bang on about the undead. It all became a thousand times worse once Charlie Brooker got involved, suddenly you couldn't walk into a bar without someone debating whether zombies should run or not. I don't care either way. George Romeo (or whatever your God is called) isn't a genius, his films are stupid and boring. Sorry.DAVID GEORGE
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Climbing plastic rocks doesn't: a) confirm your true punk instincts by shunning the crass commercialism of sports like football, or, b) separate you from the snobbishness of the intellectual class by showing your passion for actual experiences as well as intellectual ones. In fact it probably means you're an aggressive virgin destined to be a currier (alright alright, courier) who gets flattened by a bus.2. They read aloud on the bus.
People who aren't born in cities think that all public transport is a platform for their humour. It doesn't matter if you're reading Keats or some ironic 1970s self-help book you picked up at Broadway Market, the N36 doesn't want to hear it and it makes me look like a dick by association. I actually think it's going to take a stabbing to stop them doing it.3. They developed an obsession with Nineties British R'n'B. This isn't a joke, everyone got obsessed with this shit. FYI dickheads: Liking shit music isn't 'The Truth'.4. They started a Christmas and cocaine themed club night.
This one really pissed me off. The club only ran once, and was called 'Let it Snow, Snow, Snow'. It was put on by these two girls who thought that a copy of The Slits' 'Heard It Through the Grapevine' was a passport to alt immortality and made the fliers by scrawling on Christmas cards. 5. They went on and on about zombies
Like goths about vampires, hipkids love to bang on about the undead. It all became a thousand times worse once Charlie Brooker got involved, suddenly you couldn't walk into a bar without someone debating whether zombies should run or not. I don't care either way. George Romeo (or whatever your God is called) isn't a genius, his films are stupid and boring. Sorry.DAVID GEORGE