Four Things the Internet Can Teach You #5

1. I DONE GOOFED

I would like to write a retraction. In my last post, I made fun of a hand model named Ashly Covington for taking herself way too seriously and being insane. Because I'm an idiot, I somehow got two hand models (Ashly and a lady named Kimbra Hickey) mixed up in my head and turned them in to one person. Who'd have thought hand models would be so difficult to tell apart?

So to clear up any confusion:

This is the hand of Kimbra Hicky, Twilight cover star and complete loon.

And this is the hand of the very nice-seeming Ashly Covington. Subject of this showreel, writer of this elaborate FB bio, and haver of Google Alerts set for her own name at such regular intervals that she was able to find the blog posting about herself within five hours of it going online.

Ashly, I'm sorry I made fun of you for taking yourself too seriously. It clearly is not the case.

2.KIM ZOLCIAK IS NOT A MATERIAL GIRL

From now on, before I write about someone I shall imagine them singing this song to me. Never again shall the internet be the victim of my poor research.

3. MODERN MUSIC IS CRAPPY

As of a couple of days ago, the cast of Glee has sent more songs in to the Billboard Hot 100 chart than The Beatles. Is this the state of modern music? Can somebody not start a Facebook campaign to get The Beatles back in the charts or something? I mean, it's no secret that no good music has been made since the 70s, but this is just sad. JUST KIDDING! Who gives a fuck if Glee (which sucks) has more hit singles than The Beatles (who sucked) in the (completely sucky) hot 100?

4. ALL PUBLICITY IS GOOD PUBLICITY

Speaking of Facebook campaigns. There's one that's "going viral" at the minute to get John Cage's 1952 "masterpiece" "4'33"" to number one this Christmas. Unlike last year's genius campaign to stick it to the man by providing free viral marketing for a major label rock band, this one could actually be funny. I'm sure it was probably started by the people who make X-Factor to get promotion for their show, and I bet that regardless of who is number one, the money will all go to the same giant record label, but I really wanna see what would happen if radio stations were forced to play this. So if you're one of those people that pays to download music, go read about it here.

JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE