Mother’s Day is cool and all, if you have a tradish situation (whatever that even means). But if you don’t have a mom/aren’t talking to your mom/don’t partake in this holiday, it’s a holiday that is annoying at best, and painful at worst. It’s in need of a little 2023 zhuzhing, because motherhood is a state of mind, and the person who mothers us the best isn’t always the one who popped us out, nor does that person even need to have a uterus. Hence, ‘Other Mother’s Day.’
Sometimes, the other-mother in our life is an old friend, or a new friend. Sometimes it’s our siblings. Sometimes they’re the deli guy. It’s OK. You’re safe here. [Unravels spool of bubble wrap.] Is your spiritual mommy a drag queen named Areola Grande? A BFF? Yourself?? (Respect.) We’ve got you with the best unique Mother’s Day gifts for whoever you want to honor this year, the one whose very presence feels like a safe, cozy hug.
These are some gifts [dumps piñata] that will arrive well in advance of the big day (May 14). We’re already not observing this holiday in the traditional sense—time is but a rubber band—and it doesn’t matter if your other-mother’s Pikachu pillow/body harness arrives on time, but it’s a plus. What matters is that it arrives in their arms, from your loving brain.
This Japanese everyday carry essential
The world of r/everydaycarry (often shortened to EDC) on Reddit is filled with all of kinds of trusty gadget recommendations, from durable fanny packs to users’ tried-and-true pocket knives. We’ve outlined some of our absolute favorites in this VICE article, but we really think your Other Mother would love this handsome Japanese pocket knife.
Higonokami Japanese Folding Pocket (opens in a new window)
The smell of a Summer dinner party in Sicily
Can’t afford a plane ticket to Italy? That’s OK. Flamingo Estate bottled the aroma of a lazy, unbothered Summer dinner party in Noto with this heirloom tomato candle. It’s hand-poured in Los Angeles, and smells like a sun-baked tomato just before it ripens on the vine.
Roma Heirloom Tomato Candle (opens in a new window)
They love ‘roids
… As in, Polaroids, silly. Everyone loves a Polaroid camera, but especially your Other Mother. Cop this red edition of the classic camera while it’s 20% off at Amazon right now, and give them the gift of documenting summer in style.
“Spritz me, Igor”
Here’s an idea: Buy a giant palm leaf and fan your friend with an occasional spritz from this face-zhuzher; “A soothing, purifying, and repairing daily rescue spray for angry, stressed out skin.” Tower28 is such a cool brand. Of course they understand that our pores aren’t just thirsty, but angry.
The best worst idea
This can’t end well. But it can start well. Besides, your mommy can do anything, and that includes taking their favorite beveragine of choice to a sudsy bath.
Some dried flowers
They’re always beautiful, will last forever, and can send absolutely whatever message you want. Like, “I can’t wait to share the same coffin with you, and we can take this tasteful bouquet of Bleached Hydrangea, Star Flower, Skeleton Fern, and Bleached Bunny Tails with us.”
Tons of tinned fish
You know what ‘Mommi’ needs? Protein. Delicious, smoky, salty protein. Fishwife’s Classic Smoky Trio is just what the fish monger ordered this Mother’s Day; for around $30, you’ll scoop one tin of smoked rainbow trout from Idaho, another of smoked albacore tuna from the Pacific coast, and some smoked Atlantic salmon from Norway.
This cult-fave brew from Brooklyn
Anima Mundi is one of New York City’s best apothecaries, offering everything from lucid dream tonics to liver health supplements. The brand’s best-selling, organic Ashwagandha Powder has a 5-star rating on Amazon, and a reputation for helping calm, soothe, and strengthen the body according to some users.
Ashwagandha Powder (opens in a new window)
A flight of butter
It’s a Small World, only, the river is salted butter from grass-fed, hormone-free Georgia cows, and the city skylines are made of baguettes. (Did you smoke before this? Good.) This butter medley will bless your giftee with a trio of buttery bangers, including a smoked sea salt butter, a sweet butter (cinnamon, cardamom, and ginger), and a savory butter with roasted garlic, basil, and parsley.
A really nice lobstah feast
Feed them, the way they’ve fed you. (Or massage their toes with the lemon butter sauce.) Goldbelly has loads of feasts that will arrive in time for Mother’s Day, but this Maine seafood smorg is a true way to regale the mama figure in your life; it comes with two lobster tails, 12 mussels, eight shrimp, eight sea scallops, and two ears of corn.
Maine Shore Dinner for Two (opens in a new window)
This rat mug is so hot
Nothing like sipping your coffee out of a piping hot Ratgirl mug to get you going in the morning.
Ratgirl Mug (opens in a new window)
The gift of traveling with Pikachu
Gotta catch ‘em all with this travel pillow. For that one, special person you’re thinking of this Mother’s Day, there is perhaps no greater joy than falling asleep on a plane while your neck is supported by everyone’s favorite Pokémon. This pillow has a 4.8-star average rating on Amazon from over 200 reviews, including one fan who writes, “It has a hood, but you can leave it down if you [want]. It [also] has nice clip in front to keep the pillow together.”
If they’re mommi, you’re daddi
Torso body harnesses are cool, but have you ever tried a leg harness? It almost feels horse-girl-meets-S&M, and we’re chomping at the bit for it.
A bunch of 1980s VHS horror movies
“Choose one or more” from this selection of 1980s and 90s horror movies to watch together. Because the Nuclear Family Myth is scary and so is The Mothman: Prophecies!!
An amp that we’ll do our best not to fry
One of the only kinds of spam you want to see in your mailbox. “In addition to The SPAMP’s Spice and Heat controls,” the description of this sick practice amp reads, “The SPAMP+ now has Taste, an effective swept tone control for more creative control.” It’s a practice amp, but also SPAM. Need we say more?
The Spam Amp (opens in a new window)
Is it ironic? Not ironic? Little of both, maybe
We don’t know about youuu, but during distant Couch Times of lockdown we spent a lot of time watching mediocre, early 00s blockbusters, including—but not limited to—the 2006 Ron Howard-directed American mystery thriller film The Da Vinci Code, based on the eponymous smash-hit novel by Dan Brown. These days, we are going outside more. How to merge our interests? With a Da Vinci Code promotional snapback, obviously. After eating three weed gummies and watching two-thirds of this iconic film, we can confirm that it still slaps. Tom Hanks, you know?
Woke up one morning…
… And you bought yourself this promotional Sopranos snapback for the Tony Soprano-esque mama in your life. We envy your friend group, and fear its power.
A mobile mimosa delivery device
At the end of the day, 40 liters is 40 liters—nobody’s tradish-family Insta posts will bug you after that. Or, you know, use it for camping!
Trail 40 Pack (opens in a new window)
You both grew up in the cult of Lisa
Nothing will appeal more to their sense of Y2K nostalgia than a little tie dye blender action. That, or bustin into the abandoned HQ of Madame Frank’s empire.
Lisa Frank Tie Dye Portable Blender (opens in a new window)
Elevate your people watching
There’s no other way to find your friends on the Great Lawn. We want to party like it’s 1886 this summer [throws iPhone in fountain] but with none of the polio, and all of the lacey, chaise lounge drama. Your chosen mother will enjoy using these to creep, respectfully, and build a My Octopus Teacher relationship with the feral cats in their yard.
A lil Hydro Flask flair
It was either this, or carry your other-mother’s Hydro Flask in your mouth up the mountain—which sounds fun. But this carrier is a bit more practical.
Happy Other Mother’s Day!
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