What better way to work out your kinks than with a horny massage table? Known in the trade as “milking tables” or “glory hole tables,” these multifunctional pieces of sex furniture have been a mainstay in elaborate roleplay fantasies, engaging threesomes, and BDSM dungeons for as long folks have been game to lie prostrate for their prostate. The concept is simple: Provide you, the receiver, with a massage table whose strategically placed hole or cut-out allows for your partner to give you oral sex and/or stimulation with their hands, mouth, or with various sex toys.
As people who love full body massages, lying in the same place for hours, and oral sex, we foresee a home milking table setup as kind of the perfect cuffing season activity. Light up a jojoba oil candle, and let’s fill the hole in your life.
best Milking tables
- Best portable milking table – Master Series Extreme Bondage Milking Table
- Best sex chair for working your way up to a milking table – Bondage Boutique Sex Position Enhancer Chair
- Best milking table with a large glory hole – Krystal and Pearl Milking Table with Large Glory Hole
- This milking table from Etsy – Krystail Official Milking Table with Large Glory Hole
- Best milking table for your at-home sex dungeon – Dark Matter 69 Milking Table
Best portable milking table – Master Series Extreme Bondage Milking Table
Extreme Bondage Milking Table (opens in a new window)
If you’re looking for a solid introductory milking table that can fold-up easily for storage, this is your steed. Not only does the Master Series milking table come with padded cuffs for your arms and legs, but everyone will think you’re a master magician—sorry, illusionist—from the Magic Castle. The only trade-off with a portable table is that the legs in the middle could obstruct your pathway to the penis, but Master Series does a nice job of making them as unimposing as possible. Plus, at under $500, the price is right.
Best sex chair for working your way up to a milking table – Bondage Boutique Sex Position Enhancer Chair
Sex Position Enhancer Chair (opens in a new window)
Trying to convince your partner to go halfsies on a $500 piece of sex furniture? Start off by bringing a more affordable option into the mix. “Queening” or sex chairs are simply pieces of sex furniture that look like luggage racks, but function as BDSM equipment. Just plop your peach down on the chair, and enjoy feeling light as a feather during penetration, oral sex, and more. Think of it as microdosing a full-blown milking table situation. You can cop a high-rated, sturdy sex chair from Lovehoney for just about $100.
Best milking table with a large glory hole – Krystal and Pearl Milking Table with Large Glory Hole
Milking Table with Large Glory Hole (opens in a new window)
One of the most important design features in a bangin’ milking table is a big, gaping glory hole. After all, why limit the scope of sex toys you can slide up your partner’s anus, vagina, or onto their penis? This XL milking table from Amazon measures over six feet in length (with the headrest) and accommodates about 265 pounds. While it only has five reviews on Amazon, all five are five-star reviews. As reviewer Connor puts it: ‘Got milked so damn good off of this one. Def recommend.”Best sex chair on Amazon – WETPIA Sex Position Enhancer Chair
This milking table from Etsy – Krystail Official Milking Table with Large Glory Hole
Milking Table with Large Glory Hole (opens in a new window)
Another milking table with glowing reviews, the Krystail Offical glory hole milking table has earned five-star status on Etsy, with customers shouting out its comfortable padding and portability. As one stan writes, “We took the table on our most recent RV vacation, and [it] got plenty of use.” Another wrote, “What a superb addition to any Sex Room” – three exclamation points.
Best milking table for your at-home sex dungeon – Dark Matter 69 Milking Table
Milking Table (opens in a new window)
Arguably the most ample glory hole of them all is actually a glory rectangle, and belongs to this high-rated milking table from Etsy. This throne deserves to be the focal point of your sex dungeon, because it’s hand-crafted out of wood and vinyl that is easy to clean, plus it includes extra cushioning for the milker. Reviewers explain that it takes a bit of time to set up, but that once it’s assembled it’s an absolute game-changer. As one fan writes, “This is a quality piece [that is] worth [the time spent] putting together.”
Have an udderly excellent milking sesh.
