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Domino's Pizza Is Now Paving Potholes to Reduce Pizza Jostling

Yes, really.
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We’ve lost count of the number of times that we’ve said that nothing makes sense anymore, so on a day when IHOP has ditched its P, when we’ve pissed off Canada, and when Kim Jong-un is trying to keep his own shit from being collected by “sewer divers,” we’re ready for this news from Domino’s Pizza.

Your third or fourth favorite pizza place is now addressing America’s crumbling infrastructure and has taken it upon itself to start repairing potholes. (BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT?) The company is calling this initiative Paving for Pizza, and it has already fixed more than 200 potholes in four U.S. cities, all so its pizzas can be delivered to its customers without being unnecessarily jostled.


“Have you ever hit a pothole and instantly cringed? We know that feeling is heightened when you're bringing home a carryout order from your local Domino's store,” Russell Weiner, president of Domino's USA, said in a statement. “We don't want to lose any great-tasting pizza to a pothole, ruining a wonderful meal. Domino's cares too much about its customers and pizza to let that happen."

Whether or not you think Domino’s is “great-tasting” or a “wonderful meal” is up to you, as is whether or not you want to see a Domino’s logo construction crew mashing asphalt on your own city’s pockmarked public roads. The company is accepting requests for its next project on the website, and it says that it definitely has plans to repair additional potholes in additional cities.

The first cities to accept Domino’s repair work were Burbank, California; Milford, Delaware; Bartonville, Texas; and Athens, Georgia. According to the Domino’s website, the company has just spent 29 man hours, total, to repair…kind of a lot of roads. (It definitely burned through more on-the-clock time at CP+B, the ad agency behind this campaign.) “Facing an already harsher winter than usual for Delaware, this is an an opportunity to get additional money to stretch our city’s limited resources,” Eric Norenberg, Milford’s city manager said.

“I thought I already pay [sic] taxes for this so were [sic] is money going ?????” one concerned man named Jeff commented on Yahoo!

Shhh, Jeff. Let’s not ruin this with words—other than the words “Domino’s Pizza.”