Right now, somewhere in Somerset, there's about 15 million people stood in a massive field, drinking warm cider, scouring their muddy gussets with baby wipes, all eagerly awaiting the Magic Numbers acoustic set. This is Glastonbury baby, and it is heaven on earth!
I mean, that's what everyone tells me. I've never been. Sad! Anyway, this isn't about me and how I'd prefer my festival experiences to involve proper beds and shuttle busses and continental breakfasts. This is about the slapheaded farmer Michael Eavis' bigger-than-Jesus bash.
More specifically, it's about the Beat Hotel, which I'm told is one of the festival's most notorious nightspots and the perfect place to get away from the hordes of Status Quo fans who roam the gargantuan site shouting "DOWN DOWN DEEPER AND DOWN" until they are louder than whoever's headlining the Pyramid Stage.
This is the sixth year that the Beat Hotel's doors open for the entire duration of the event, and the team behind it have lined up a cracking set of selectors, ready to bathe you with the best that contemporary dance music has to offer. Do you like Hunee, Lovefingers, and Young Marco? Into Lena Willikens, Jennifer Cardini, and Call Super? Massive fan of Jamie XX, Sampha, and Job Jobse? Good, just head down there and you're in for the best weekend of your life.
If you're sat on a Megabus right this second, itching to get to Glastonbury, trembling fingers running through a grab bag of Wotsits, two cans of Pimms attached to one of those novelty hats with the straws, then we've got just the thing for you. Here's a smattering of Beat Hotel favourites picked fans, staff, and DJs.
The Chemical Brothers - Star Guitar
"I remember Erol dropped this as his closer in 2011—our first year—after an extended chant for one more whilst we worked out if we could get away with it. We did and it was the right time for the right record." (Nick, Hotel manager)
PM Dawn - Set Adrift on Memory Bliss
"Rug Dug played this in the afternoon and it captured the mood at the Beat Hotel perfectly. Attrel Stephen Cordes Jr aka Prince had died a week earlier so it had extra poignancy." (Tom, new business director, Beat Hotel)
Salif Keita - Madan (Martin Solveig Remix)
"One of the most played and most loved in 2016. The perfect soundtrack to a downpour." (Milly, director of hospitality, Beat Hotel)
Shy FX & UK Apachi - Original Nuttah
"When Joe (Goddard) played "Original Nuttah", we watched the girls from Haim trying to dance to jungle on the bed." (Alex and Dom Greco-Roman Sound System DJs)
Frankey & Sandrino - Acamar
"When I was working in 2015 there were quite a few defining tracks, but Saturday night's moment of clarity came during Bicep b2b Simian Mobile Disco's set. It was one of "Acamar's" many notable appearances across that summer, and certainly my favourite." (Louis, artist management team, Beat Hotel).
Fatima Yamaha - What's a Girl To Do
"The first time I came into the hotel to work, "What's a Girl To Do" came on and everyone started line-dancing. Perfect Glasto vibes." (Mark, photographer, Beat Hotel)
John Farnham - You're the Voice
"A Johnno from Bugged Out brunch time staple." (Richie, social director, Beat Hotel)