I Can't Stop Eating 'Snacking Chocolate' Even Though I Still Don't Really Know What It Is

I don't have much of a sweet tooth, except when it comes to barkTHINS (and yes, they're spelled like that).
April 13, 2018, 6:00pm

Welcome to #NotAnAd, where we post enthusiastically and without reservation about things we’re obsessed with from the world of food.

I don't really have much of a sweet tooth. I'd rather eat 5 appetizers and skip dessert (and the main course too, tbh). But I do love something a little sweet at the end of a meal, like a piece of chocolate. But it’s been hard to for me to find chocolate that I really love. Most taste pretty generic and just don’t satisfy me the way I want to be satisfied (story of my life; also probably why I’m single).

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Until, that is, I discovered barkTHINS a few years ago. They’re literally just slabs of dark chocolate with nuts and sometimes pretzels and sometimes sea salt. They come in a resealable bag, broken into shards of all shapes and sizes. They market them as “snacking chocolate.” I routinely will grab a bag while checking out of a grocery store and finish said bag that night while binge-watching tv. The most satisfying part? They kind of “snap” in your mouth when you bite into them, and also they’re kind of healthy because they’re dark chocolate, so you can snack basically guilt-free (also, they’re fair trade and non-GMO, so that’s cool or whatever).

My barkTHIN problem reached its peak when I was a private chef. It was cool being a private chef because I could buy all kinds of snacks "for the family"—but really, I was the one consuming most of the unhealthy things because the people I cooked for had self-control, unlike myself.

One time, I was in their back hallway digging through the pantry with my hand shoved into the bag of barkTHINS when I heard someone enter the kitchen. I quickly shoved a THIN into my back pocket, walked into the kitchen like I hadn’t been stuffing my face full of snacking chocolate, and proceeded to go about my business.

Shortly thereafter, I had to run out to the grocery store. While checking out, I reached into my back pocket to grab my credit card and pay. When I pulled the card out, the barkTHIN was melted onto the credit card. I looked like such an asshole, and the cashier gave me a funny look. (I mean, it was melted chocolate on a credit card. You can imagine what it looked like.) I was pretty embarrassed, but quickly explained, “Kids, amirite? Heh heh.”

I do not have children.

Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I love barkTHINS. They’re a simple snack food that I am genuinely not embarrassed to eat, although it may sound like I am because the story I just told involves me hiding my barkTHIN habit from both my client and the cashier. I think I’m most embarrassed at the way I consume them (which is frequently and without guilt). You should, too. They’re worth it.