Unbelievable, just unbelievable. In a stunning turn of events, Steve Aoki has announced that he will stop his relentless crusade to slam baked goods into the yawning maws of people too fucked up to know the difference between "having fun" and "looking like a damn fool." No longer content to subject millions of innocents to the tyranny of accidentally ingested calories, Aoki has decided to turn his blasts of vanilla-flavored frosting to a special group of people: his real fans.
In a press statement released today, Aoki reassured his followers that he'll be saving the CAKE CAKE CAKE for his headline shows—and that he will embark on his new mission: defying the space-time continuum by loving them to "infinity and back."
In his own words:
"To start the New Year I'm making some new changes and have decided I'll no longer be caking fans at most festivals. There might be an exception here or there but for the most part I'll be saving the CAKE for my headline shows, keeping it exclusive for the die hard fans. So if you want to get caked, come to one of my headline shows like the Neon Future Experience that is happening across the USA and Canada in Feb/March, or at my upcoming Manchester and London shows, or in Vegas and Ibiza. And to show my love to all the fans around the world that love the cake I wrote a song especially for YOU, properly titled CAKEFACE! It's up now and free to download at soundcloud.com/steveaoki. Love you to infinity and back. Now let's go forward into the neon future!!"
Aoki commemorated this momentous decision with a new track called "CAKEFACE," which is presumably what you will listen to the next time you take a (willing) bite into a thick slice of cake and remember this glorious day of liberation.