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Everything Sounds Beautiful Slower

Listening to anything--anything!--slowed down by about 800 percent just may save your life.

And I'm not talking about that version of Justin Bieber's "U Smile" that caught fire a few years ago after getting the "800-percent-slower" treatment, as gorgeous as it is. Sure, ratching down Bieber's tune into a surprisingly lush slab of noise fit for seemingly ceilingless cathedrals may've kicked off a vertitable cottage industry of folks using cheap software to stretch out songs to what are oftentimes comical lengths.


But don't get lost too long in that track. A cursory search on YouTube and Soundcloud turns up countless slow jamz that are stretched so thoroughly into the realm of spiritual ecstasy that it's sort of impossible to not just start shedding hot, salty tears because Goddamnit, it's all just so beautiful. Here a few choice slow burns.

The theme from Jurassic Park. If life is finding a way, it's happening at 22:00. Go on:

To think that some schmuck decided to slow down fucking Sunn O))), of all acts under the miles-wide "drone" banner, is so wrong it's right.

As if this track weren't criminally chill to begin with, or anything. Here's Clams Casino's "I'm God":

Fucked Up, "Golden Seal" (Part 1) (Part II here):

Same goes for Eno as for Sunn.

OK, now I'm just straight up weeping. Here's Aphex Twin, "Avril 14th":

E.T. drone home.

I mean, even the bloody Price is Right theme song, for chrissakes.

Everything is OK.

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Reach Brian at @thebanderson