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Tupac, Pearl Jam, Journey Will Be Inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

Your step dad chose the other three artists.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, a fundamentally irrelevant institution with little purpose or significance beyond boosting the city of Cleveland's tourism industry, enacted an existential crisis this morning by announcing its 2017 inductees. Tupac Shakur, Pearl Jam, the band that did "Don't Stop Believing," and three acts that your step dad picked will all be inducted as part of the 2017 class.

This year's longlist had hinted at some promise. Between DC hardcore band Bad Brains, seminal protopunks MC5, and the obscenely influential German electronic group Kraftwerk, it appeared that the roughly 800 artists, historians, and journalists who submit ballots at least had the option of being interesting. Instead, every one of those 800 people offered their blank ballots to your step dad. And it turns out that your step dad really likes Electric Light Orchestra, Yes, and Joan Baez.

Tupac's inclusion does offer a little glimmer of hope and, if nothing else, we can all sleep soundly tonight knowing that insufferable knobhead Gene Simmons is really burned up. Elsewhere, I'll fight you if you say Pearl Jam didn't have some serious riffs, brah.

Otherwise, however, one is left with little beyond the crushing, overwhelming sense of futility that comes with all news of this ilk. This time last year, we were all one year further away from the howling abyss.

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