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This Is the Definitive Redneck Way to Open a Bottle of Wine

Stranded naked with only a toolbox, a bottle of 2003 Chateau Rayas Châteauneuf-du-Pape Reserve Blanc, and a will to get drunk? Fear not—you're in luck.
Photo via Flickr user mike.benedetti

Bottle openers are like lighters, or oversized quarters used by street magicians: now you see them, now you don't. One minute you're at the liquor store buying three of them, just in case you lose one, and the next thing you know, the whole trifecta has been swallowed into the space-time rip that also took several of your phone chargers and those socks with the cats on them.

How the hell are you going to open up this $4.99 bottle of chardonnay?!

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Let's say you're a loud and proud redneck, trying to dig into some Boone's Farm Tickle Pink (date night, baby!), or perhaps a corked bottle of moonshine. Your wine opener is nonexistent, and worse, you don't even have any shoes, so you can't use the tried-and-true "shoe method" demonstrated by our German brethren:

So you're barefoot, you're trying to get drunk, and all you've got is a garage full of tools and an innovative spirit. Well, great news: if you've got a drill, a hammer, and a screw, you're in the boozin' business, buddy.

As YouTube user Broneteer demonstrates below, you can put the "screw" in "corkscrew" the literal way and be aspirating your Night Train or swirling and sniffing your gewürztraminer in mere seconds. Watch and see how it's done:

Hey, redneck or not, it's possible that you've already tried some rendition of this. (We've all sipped on merlot with a heavy sprinkling of cork bits floating in it after knocking the cork into the bottle with a butter knife, following desperate and failed attempts to pull it out.) But it's always good to have extra tricks up your sleeve. You never know when you might be stranded ass-naked on a catamaran in the middle of a swamp, with only a toolbox and a bottle of 2003 Chateau Rayas Châteauneuf-du-Pape Reserve Blanc to your name.

Drink up, friends. Here's to resourcefulness.