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Burrata Will Leave You Drooling in a Pool of Satisfaction

Translating to “buttery” in Italiano, burrata is a gooey, buttery mess of a cheese that will leave you feeling like a quivering virgin who just got impaled by a young Brando.
May 12, 2015, 2:00pm

Do you know what everyone loves? Well, besides vegans and those folks with such deep self-hatred that they don't think they deserve love?

That's right: burrata.

Burrata originated in the lawless land of southern Italy—Murgia, to be precise. What is essentially a thin purse of freshly pulled buffalo milk mozzarella cradles within it a whirling mixture of fresh cream and torn mozzarella curd. Sexy, right? When you break open the pure white barrier, out pours the seductive creation, just waiting to be scooped up with a big piece of fresh baguette.

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Burrata is a springtime cheese. When the hefty water buffalo's udders are engorged with the super-fatty milk to nourish their young, standing knee-deep in the fresh waters of the babbling streams, this is the time to consume without inhibitions—to fulfill your earthy desires with lactic bliss. This is when you should eat as much burrata as you can find.

Originating in the early 1900s, burrata starts its life like a normal pulled curd cheese. After the milk has been heated and rennet added, the newly formed curd is pulled together to create a satiny sheet. A handful of soft curd and fresh cream are placed in the center, and then the sheet is pulled into a pouch around the middle. The delicate balls are then wrapped with young asphodel leaves, whose bright green coloring indicates the freshness of the cheese.

Translating to "buttery" in Italiano, this cheese epitomizes the word. A gooey, buttery mess of a cheese that will leave you feeling like a quivering virgin who just got impaled by a young Brando. This cheese is the Ron Jeremy of the cheese world: unassuming when wrapped up, but an aggressively sensual endowment when ripped open. It will leave you dripping with cream in a pool of satisfaction, drooling onto your naked lap and wondering if anyone is watching. It doesn't matter if they are, because food is pornographic—and although people are fun and all, sometimes you just need you.

The relatively mild and balanced milkiness of burrata lends itself to be consumed with all sorts of mind-altering things. From Prosecco to Chianti, there is literally not one alcoholic beverage that will not be heightened when serve with a fresh burrata. Oysters? Yup. Chocolate? You betcha, ya. Rohypnol? Now we're talking.

Do yourself a favor. This spring, anytime you see a burrata at a shop, buy it. Find a big king-size bed with Egyptian cotton sheets. Turn on 9½ Weeks and pleasure your palate. No one will judge you—and if they do, they obviously haven't had a burrata yet.