More hot takes than you can fill Lambeau Field with. Photo by Jeff Hanisch—USA TODAY Sports
College football is back, alright. You've been saving all your speculations and hot takes for nine long months now, and that's honestly been way too long. So finally, yesterday came along and it was time to rattle off a bunch of tweets you're sure to regret in three months.To hell with all that. Firing off whatever half-baked predictions that come straight to your dome is what it's all about. We now know infinitely more things than we did a week ago—plus, we're already a 12th of a season in, people! So In that spirit, here is a list of all the definitive statements we can now make about the 2016 college football season.- Nobody is going to beat Alabama. Well, maybe Ole Miss, because that's just what Ole Miss does, but Alabama is going to win the national title. In a week when nobody in the top five looked very good, the Crimson Tide were the exception, beating USC a whopping 52-6. Crown the Tide already.- LSU can have all the defenders in the world, and superhuman Leonard Fournette, but it's not going to matter if the Tigers don't have a passing game.- Houston is going to the College Football Playoff.- Oklahoma is not.- The Big Ten West is extremely "meh" again, but Iowa and Wisconsin will both be better than they were last year. The former has an efficient offense and the latter a great defense.- Here's a list of scores: Tennessee 20, Appalachian State 13 (OT). Florida 10, UMass 7 (halftime). South Alabama 21, Mississippi State 20. West Virginia 26, Missouri 11. Arkansas 21, Louisiana Tech 20. Southern Miss 10, Kentucky 35 (halftime). Southern Miss 44, Kentucky 35 (full time). Wisconsin 16, LSU 14. Clemson 19, Auburn 13. SEC is trash.- Colorado, which hasn't had a winning season since 2005, beat in-state rival Colorado State, 44-7. The Buffaloes are going bowling.- As bad as the SEC was, the Big 12 was worse. Oklahoma got blown out by Houston. K-State couldn't move in a loss to Stanford. TCU almost lost to South Dakota State. Texas is waiting to get blasted by Notre Dame. Iowa State lost to FCS Northern Iowa.- These SEC coaches are getting fired this year: Les Miles (LSU), Gus Malzahn (Auburn), Mark Stoops (Kentucky), but only the latter should.These takes might not all be right, but college football is back, goddammit, and this kind of entertainment is what this sport is for. When one of these turns out to be completely wrong, feel free to @ me, but that's not going to kill my vibe.
David, don't you know the thing that happened five minutes ago is the only thing that ever happened? https://t.co/3jBhoaGrEt
— Andy Staples (@Andy_Staples) September 4, 2016
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