Three stars of comedy
Well, at least it was funny right up until that big upset win by the predator. Uh, I mean Predators.Well played, — Pete Blackburn (@PeteBlackburn)November 9, 2016
Even the man himself approved. And maybe there's a lesson there for all of us. As silly as it is, there's something almost inspiring about that clip. Even when everything around you is awful and ugly, you can still find the good in the world. If two teenagers can do it, maybe we all can too. Maybe there's still some hope.The Maple Leafs lost their next game 7-0.Fourth liners and goalies are fighting each other, and all Auston Matthews and Mitch Marner want to do is sing some Bon Jovi together — Jeff Veillette (@JeffVeillette)November 6, 2016
Be It Resolved
Obscure former player of the week
Jets' fans will appreciate any comparison to Dale Hawerchuk, and Trevor Linden wasn't so bad himself. But I have to admit, I'd never heard of Jack Hamilton. So let's make him this week's obscure player.As it turns out, Hamilton was a young center who made his debut with the Maple Leafs during the 1942-43 season. And he was young—just seventeen, to be exact, back before the NHL had imposed the current age limit. He scored one goal in 13 games, then returned to earn a full-time spot for the 1943-44 season. He scored 20 goals that year, including those two hat tricks, all before he turned 19.Hamilton spent the 1944-45 season in the NSDHL, then returned to the Maple Leafs for one more year, during which he scored seven goals. That was it for his NHL career, although he'd bounce around the minor leagues until 1958. At one point the Maple Leafs traded him for the rights to winger Danny Lewicki, who'd debut with the Leafs and later go onto become a regular with the Rangers.Both Hamilton and Lewicki still rank in the Maple Leafs all-time top ten for goals scored by a teenager. It's not known whether they ever sang Bon Jovi on the bench.Patrik Laine is 4th player in NHL history to record multiple hat tricks before 19th birthday (Jack Hamilton, Dale Hawerchuk, Trevor Linden). — NHL Public Relations (@PR_NHL)November 9, 2016
Outrage of the week
And here's Trouba apparently agreeing.Kevin Cheveldayoff says 'Jacob Trouba is a Winnipeg Jet' when asked if Trouba might be traded after signing a new deal.
— Chris Johnston (@reporterchris)November 7, 2016
Trouba says he has rescinded trade request. 'I signed that paper to be here for two years.'
— gary lawless (@garylawless)November 8, 2016
Classic YouTube clip breakdown
- Our host is the adorable mid-80s version of broadcasting legend Steve Armitage. We only get to hear one word of his introduction: "Heartache". I'm assuming there was more, but honestly, that pretty much sums it up. I think HNIC should do more of this. We could save a lot of time if we just started every Canucks game with an announcer looking into the camera and saying "abject misery and anguish" and then cut right to the opening faceoff.
- Our first clip is a fun one, as Glenn Healy makes a routine save and then gets body checked back into his own net by a Rangers forward. He immediately charges after the referee, demanding that we spend ten minutes standing around waiting for a replay review to be inconclusive.
- Our next angry goaltender is Doug Soetaert, who's chasing down a referee and furiously pointing at him. Hey, at least you didn't throw sticks and garbage cans at him, right Doug? That was a joke, by the way. You should never actually… what are you doing, Doug? Put the sticks down, Doug. Oh no.
- We now cut to the true stars of this video: Angry coaches. Two of the first we see are Quebec's Michel Bergeron and New York's Phil Esposito. A few months later, Esposito would pull off a trade for Bergeron, in what still stands as the only coach trade in NHL history. We need to bring those back. Dave Tippett for Peter Laviolette, WHO SAYS NO?
- You know how in old video games they'd use the same generic graphic for most of the coaches? That was the NHL in 1987. Half of these guys are going to look like Dan Maloney. Just warning you in advance. Here he is coaching the North Stars.
- Next up is a quick shot of longtime coach and GM Bryan Murray. He's coaching the Capitals here, still a few years away from being fired in the middle of a season and replaced by his own brother. NHL coaching in the 1980s was weird, man.
- And here's Jacques Demers, who appears to be wiping away tears, presumably because the other team's coach won't fight him.
- Hey, it's Obscure Player alumni Ilka Sinisalo!
- And now Dan Maloney is coaching the Canadiens. Seriously, he was coaching half the teams in the league at this point. Call it the Ominpresent Dan Maloney Theory. Prove me wrong.
- A fun game to play whenever you see a clip of a coach or player flipping out is to find the guys on the bench making weird faces behind his back. I'm a big fan of this guy.

- Soon we get to legitimate crazy person Doug Carpenter, who'll make a few appearances in this clip because he had the best exasperated coach face since Don Cherry. Here, he's taking off his jacket, which is veteran crazy coach move. You can't throw a really good tantrum with extra layers. This guy knows what he's doing.
- By the way, Carpenter was a season away from being fired and replaced by Jim Schoenfeld, who was, it would be fair to say, not a calming influence. Here's some free advice: Stop hiring red-headed coaches, New Jersey, they are all insane.
- Did the Devils listen to me? No they did not.
- Scott Stevens is really angry because he just elbowed some dude's head into the eighth row and the referee told him that might be considered dirty someday.
- No idea who Dan Maloney was coaching in that clip. By the way, The Ominpresent Dan Maloney Theory would be a great name for a band.
- Now we're back to Esposito, who walks away from the referee to go stand in front of Kenny Rogers. Meanwhile, this poor guy has seen too much.

- Now we get to the king of the crazy NHL coaches, the legendary John Brophy. In this clip, he's absolutely furious and seems to be threatening the referee with imminent death. Or, as Maple Leaf fans came to know it, "a good mood". They must have won that night.
- By the way, the Maple Leafs' last three full-time coaches of the 1980s: Dan Maloney, John Brophy and Doug Carpenter. This means something. I have no idea what.
- "How long do I have to stay still before I can tell him he's crushing me up against the wall?"

- I don't know what Bergeron is doing with his fists here, but we can take a moment to appreciate the seamless way he works in a gum spit? Some guys are just pros.
- Finally, we close by going back to a player: Bruins tough guy Jay Miller. He's unhappy with getting tossed out of a game, and decides to try to kick over a trash can while wearing skates on a concrete floor. It goes about as well as you might expect. Come on, Jay. You went full Tuukka. You never go full Tuukka.
- And that does it for our clip of human misery and sadness. See, Canucks fans? It could be worse. Ah, who are we kidding, it will be worse. Just practice your disappointed policeman face and it will be OK.
Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com.