

Vice: Have you committed a really bad crime?
Alexa: May have done, may have done.
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I know a lot of drug heads, but who doesn’t?How sexy is crime?
Depends on the crime. Oh, bank robbery is kinda glam.Are there any criminals that you particularly admire?
Graffiti artists are criminals aren’t they? I kind of approve of that.Don Bump, architect

Don: I stole one of those little pens that when you turn it upside down there’s a naked woman on it. One of those schoolboy jobs.Were you ever in a gang?
I used to belong to a graffiti gang when I was younger.What was the name of your gang?
It was called “Aerosol Vandals”, and, er, we didn’t really commit crime, depending on how you perceive it. We were just doing throw-ups in train yards and that sort of thing. My name was “Bean”. We were only writing in like Barnet and Finchley area. You got various graffiti gangs round there.Did you ever fight rival gangs?
There were a few fights. I mean, it you tagged on someone else’s piece then there would be a fight or something, but it was mainly amongst ourselves, not really against people from outside of that world. If something kicked off it would mostly be between individuals from different groups.Shanker Gopala Krishnan, drifter

Shanker: I got mugged at gun-point, in Archway. There were four guys and they took me to a cash point, and told me to get as much money as I could from the cash point. I got like £500 from my bank account.
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The worst thing recently was my jacket got nicked while I was trying on another one in a shop. It had my Malaysian passport, £250 in cash, my house keys, bank cards, and someone just took it and ran into the crowd, and I couldn’t find them. He was just a pisshead. It was fucking terrible.What’s the biggest crime you’ve ever committed?
Ah, stealing from Tesco. I stole some lamb. It was like £6 so I couldn’t afford it. And some really expensive wine.Was it red?
Yeah, only red.Who is the most criminal person you know?
Apart from drug dealers, there was one guy who had a shop in Camden who disappeared. A year later one of my friends told me that he was on the run, basically because he killed someone. Can you imagine it? He was like the nicest guy ever. I don’t think he would have killed someone, though, unless he didn’t have a choice.Muir Vidler, photographer

Muir: Shoplifting? Shoplifting is probably worse than selling weed, isn’t it?And how often do you commit crime?
I had a penknife on me the other day, because I went out camping and it had a corkscrew on it, and that’s a crime these days. I met a criminal barrister the other day, and she said that just carrying a knife is a criminal offence. You need to be able to prove that it’s for legitimate reasons, i.e. you’re a joiner or a chef or some shit like that. Unfortunately I’m just a media ponce so there’s no justification for it.
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Umm, well I’ve not seriously thought about it, but if you could guarantee me that I’d get away with it, I’d be all over it, but I don’t fancy getting bummed in jail. I’m the kind that would get bummed in jail, so I don’t fancy that.What would your gang colours be?
I’d keep it pretty low key. Bermuda shorts, maybe a vest and flip flops, maybe something like that.Who is the most criminal person that you know?
I lived above a guy called “Mad Frank”, in Stirling. The first time I ever met him he picked me up by my neck and pinned me to the wall, and gave me the rules of engagement, and how I would conduct myself living above him. I kept the music down after that.How should society deal with criminals?
I’m in the hang 'em high brigade. I would happily round every one of them up into an oil tanker and push it into the sea. Rapists and murderers would top the list, I guess. I’m becoming more and more fucking Tory in my view on young miscreants hanging around the streets spitting. Yeah, I would clap them in fucking irons, people who spit. People who play music on their fucking mobile phone as well – I don’t think that that is a crime but it should be.Hayley Smith, mental health practitioner

Hayley: Umm, I don’t know, probably drugs I suppose, or shoplifting?How often do you commit crimes?
Quite often, to be honest. I don’t think my mum reads Vice, so yeah, just drugs really.
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Yeah, I have, but that was a long time ago.Who’s the most criminal person you know or have encountered?
I think I saw Chopper once, in Australia. Yeah, I think it was him. This guy was really staunch, and in Australia people are perhaps more friendly than here. Someone was like, “What’s that guy’s problem?” and someone was like, “Oh I think that’s Chopper”.What was he doing?
He was in the dole office.James Elphick, event organiser

Vice: What’s the biggest crime you’ve ever committed?
James: Nothing too serious, just squatting, but that’s not really a crime, though. We had like 20 flats to ourselves, until someone else found it and set alight to the top floor and burned the whole place down.How often do you commit crime these days?
Not too much. I got arrested once for having a bit of ganja on me, and I had to go to court and everything. I don’t really get arrested anymore. Some of my friends have been sent down for beating people up, spent six months in juvie. That’s not for me, man.And who is the most criminal person you know?
I know some biker gangs. My friend’s in a biker gang and they’re pretty devious, man. They’re affiliated with the Hells Angels. They’re like the biggest gang in London, they run all the guns, run all the drugs, and they’re untouchable as well. No one knows anything about them.Rachel Chambers, barmaid

Rachel: That I’ve ever committed? I don’t commit crimes.
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Never. Well, I ride the bendy bus for free, the 149.Who is the most criminal person that you know?
Apparently there is a man in Sainsbury’s down the road that stands outside, and stops people who are walking in says, “Look, if you give me a shopping list of stuff that you want, I’ll go round and get it all. Then I’ll come out with it all and you give me half of the money”.What’s the worst crime that has been ever committed against you?
I got chased by a naked man. That was quite scary. I was coming out of a party and this man across the street suddenly started taking his clothes off, and starting walking towards me and my friend. So we started walking a little bit quicker, and he got a bit closer. We started running down the hill and he was chasing us and we were just screaming. By the time we got to our house he had disappeared.Ed Wilson, bin man

Ed: Probably stealing a Mars bar when I was 12. I felt real guilty afterwards.Where did you steal it from?
Newsagents in Cardiff. Felt proper bad about it.Did you ever go back and give the newsagents the 40p he deserved?
I just waited a while until the pain of the guilt fizzled away.How often do you commit crime nowadays?
Umm, well taking drugs is a crime, isn’t it?I think so.
Every now and again. Sometimes I drive at 81 mph, instead of the regulated 80. That’s illegal, but only a little bit. They can’t catch you for that.
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Leslie: My mum. She stole a manikin once.How did she get that out the shop?
In Belgium, oh well, we kinda just stole it together. There was no one in the shop so we just left with the manikin. We were waiting to pay but no one was around. I wasn’t out to do a crime, I just took my chance.Was it a boy or a girl manikin?
It was the torso of a woman, a really nice one. It was kind of woven out of wicker.So they would have missed it.
Probably.Does she have a nickname that she operates under?
Mum? I don’t have a nickname for her. She has a nickname for me.What’s your nickname?
Googy Monster.Googy Monster? Why are you called Googy Monster?
Don’t know. Good question.Do you have any criminals you particularly admire?
Umm, Al Capone?