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Vice Blog

LONDON - R KELLY DOES BEYONCE

According to R Kelly it's hard being a boy. Yes the well oiled croon machine has done a version of Beyonce's 'If I Was A Boy' splicing her vocal with his thunderous baritone. "If you were a boy then you'd understand" he tells B. Like when he wants to chill out with the guys, go to a club and bang one of the pole dancing chicks. What's wrong with that? It's not like he left the freakin toilet seat up again, is it? "Love, respect, trust your man" he trills because he "works and pays the bills". I'm not sure how this quaint idea of marital submission plays alongside a man with Kelly's reputation, but perhaps that's just me. Can you really respect someone with a fountain of piss dribbling down their heads? Hmmm. My favourite line is the concluding line where he sings "You're not a perfect woman and I'm not a perfect man REMIX REMIX!" Truly a moment to usurp Wyclef's legendary random "ONE TIME!". The only disappointment is that there aren't any references to dwarfs.
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PRIYA ELAN