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Vice Blog

NEW YORK - RYAN DUFFY GETS A HAIRCUT

One of our Vice staffers came in today bragging about his plan for a hair trim on his lunch break. He kept mentioning how he couldn't wait for the shears to slice through his shaggy wings and how refreshing it would feel to get the filth shampooed from his locks. The anticipation of being coiffed made him giddy all morning. Of course, the rest of the office wanted to know why he was going on and on like some post-menopausal busybody who had an appointment with Eva Scrivo (Martha Stewart's stylist for all you hair newbies). Anyway, he gave us an "update" after the session and here it is…

Hey, so it went pretty well. First I was nervous because I was like a good ten minutes late, but it was totally fine. When I got there he was just sitting there all relaxed, reading that Dee Dee Ramone book Chelsea Hotel Horror (what a fucking weird read btw: Talking dogs, cannibals in the basement, all sorts of bizarre stuff). Anyway he was all, "Don't worry about it man," and we got to it. First I got a shampoo, which I felt pretty bad about because I hadn't washed my hair in a minute and he had to put his fingers all through it. That must be his least favorite part of the job. That went pretty smoothly though—I think he might have even used conditioner—and before I knew it I was in the chair. I told him, "Just keep it like this, but shorter," and we got to it. He works pretty fast, and we made small talk about his girlfriend, the Charleston, and Germany while he cut.

He started with the back, which is a bit nerve-racking I guess because you can't really see what he's doing back there. But he's been cutting my hair for a while now so I trust him. I actually still haven't seen the back (he doesn't do that handheld mirror thing where you get to check it out), so I could be wrong—I mean, maybe there's a shaved dildo on the back of my dome but probably not. Someone would have laughed at me by now I think. After he did the back he moved on to the sides, which he combed forward first. It reminded me of when everyone got that Caesar haircut because George Clooney had it. That was weird. He put the hair he had combed forward in between his middle finger and other one (The first one. What's that called? A forefinger maybe?) and cut it off in little snippets that way. It was a pretty effective technique, I thought. After that all that was really left to do was the top, but that's the biggest deal too—the length of the bangs is really the key to a whole haircut, so I stopped talking at that point to let him focus and he really seemed to. He slowed down a bit and really spent some time making sure he was getting everything and not leaving random stragglers shooting out here and there. I was pretty happy with it. When he finished there, he used a razor to eliminate that weird neck jazz that grows beneath your hairline in the back. I HATE that stuff. I always find it really satisfying when the barber does that. When we finished, he asked me if he could style it a bit before I left and I said no. That was pretty much it. Overall, I was really satisfied and had a good time.

Let me know if you have any questions.