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THE BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT OF THE YEAR

I got some pretty sweet gifts when I was a kid. One year I got a Boglin, another time I even got a SNES complete with Street Fighter II. Since then though it's mostly been shitty books I'll never read. However, this year I lucked out. I got the best present of all time.

No, it wasn't my name written out in coke (though as disgusting as that would be, who's fucking kidding, it's not a gift that would sit unused in my draw). No, no coke. My brother did buy me a cigar though, my flatmate got me a Blur DVD, and some PR sent me the new Alabama 3 record (I'm hyped!). However, my buddy Phoebe won, by sending me this.

You could have quizzed me for a billion years and I'd never have figured out that what I needed to be happy was a photo of her as a nine-year-old dressed as Frida Kahlo. I can't wait till my nephews grow up so I can dress them as Grayson Perry and get their portraits done at the supermarket.

WORDS: SALVADOR GNARLEY
PORTRAIT: MONICA CURTIN