BY LIZ ARMSTRONG If a Brazilian person ever hands you some pills, don’t ask any questions. Just swallow them on the spot. I assure you that they are far superior to their American counterparts. And full disclosure here, I am not one of those pill voyagers. I am more of a disgusting hippie who’d rather meditate myself back to health than swallow the evil poisons that the scam artists in the FDA try to pass off as restorative. These Brazilian black-market meds, though, are top-notch. They are best when administered by a real-live Brazilian, but they work miracles no matter what—as long as you don’t mind the unexpected side effects that come with blindly gulping foreign chemicals. Here is a drug-by-drug report on what my pile of mysterious pills did to me. (Requisite disclaimer: This is for “entertainment” purposes only. Don’t do this. DON’T DO THIS. DO. NOT. DO. THIS. Cripes.) Select each number for a description of the pills.