The Parenting Sex Jams Remix

Here are two 90s sex jams with their lyrics altered to be about parenting:

Pony
I'm just a father
I'm looking at my daughter
Someone who’ll learn how to ride
Without even falling off

Gotta be a birthday girl
Take you to a petting zoo
Girl when I lift you up
I promise that you won't want to get off

If you’re happy, let's do it
Ride it, a pony
Its saddle's waiting
Come and jump on it

If you’re happy, let's do it
Ride it, a pony
Its saddle's waiting
Come and jump on it

Sitting here clapping
Feeding it steel(-cut) oats
Just once if it has the chance
The tricks it will do for you
You and your birthday party
Every single stallion
Send chills up and down your spine
Juice boxes for after you ride

If you’re happy, let's do it
Ride it, a pony
Its saddle's waiting
Come and jump on it

If you’re happy, let's do it
Ride it, a pony
Its saddle's waiting
Come and jump on it

If you’re gonna get antsy, baby
We'll play show and tell
You can brush its ponytail
Work your comb all through its mane
And if you work very hard, one day
You'll be on a jockey team

If you’re happy, let's do it
Ride it, a pony
Its saddle's waiting
Come and jump on it

Slip ‘N Slide

My mind is telling me no but the weather’s telling me yes
It’s not going to hurt nobody
And it’s not a problem if you kids get wet (chill)

I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide

See I know just what you want and I know how to beat the heat, girls
So bathing suits go on your body
I'm not fooling around with you, kids
That yellow plastic is where you want to be, girls
See, you need an activity to satisfy your every need

I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide

You say the weather’s not treating you right
Then girls, spend some time now
I'll shove you like you need to be shoved (Girl, you’re going to slide really fast)
No need to whine no more because I've opened the back door
It’s set up in the yard, you see
You need something, something to occupy your time while school is out, a fun activity

I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide
I don't see nothing wrong with setting up the slip ‘n slide

BONUS TRACK: A song about parenting with its lyrics altered to be a 90s sex jam.

Just the Two Of Us

From the first time that I held you in my arms
I knew I'd meet death before I'd let you meet harm
Although questions arose in my mind, would I be man enough?
Against wrong, choose right and got it standing up
From the club that first night
Took a hour just to get the condom on right
People driving all fast, got me kind of upset
Got you home safe, bent you over the cabinet
That night I don't think one wink I slept
As I slipped into bed,
Touched your head gently, felt my heart melt
Cause I know I loved you more than life itself
Then to my knees, and I begged the Lord please
Let me be a good lover, all she needs
Love, knowledge, discipline, too
I pledge my life to you

[Chorus:]

Just the two of us, we can do it if we try
Just the two of us, (Just the two of us)
Just the two of us, building castles in the sky
Just the two of us, you and I

Twenty-five years old, bringing remedy
Every time I look at you I think, man, I can’t breathe
Just hold me
Wait and see, it’s gonna grow tall
Makes me laugh cause we’ve had a few beers and all
Tonight I wonder what we’re gonna need
A general, a doctor, maybe a MC
I wanna kiss you all the time
But I will test that butt when you give me the time, true that
Uh-uh-uh why don’t you do that?
I try to be a tough man, but you be making me laugh
Crazy joy, when I see we could use a toy
I pledge to you, I will always do
Everything I can
Show you how I am a man
Dignity, integrity, honor and
I don't mind if you lose, long as you came
And you can cry, ain't no shame in it
It didn't work out with me and your mom
But yo, push comes to shove
You're the best at making love
So if the world attacks, and you slide off your back
Remember one fact, I’ll fix your ass with a smack.

Just the two of us, we can do it if we try
Just the two of us, (Just the two of us)
Just the two of us, building castles in the sky
Just the two of us, you and I

@benjaminkorman