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Stuff

Beauty, Brains, Braun, and Bronzer

Male models are strange creatures. They seem to go against everything you know about boys. They like grooming, matching their shoes to their belts, and, you know, like, communicating and stuff. To delve deeper into this manicured mystery world, we...

Male models are strange creatures. They seem to go against everything you know about boys. They like grooming, matching their shoes to their belts, and, you know, like, communicating and stuff. To delve deeper into this manicured mystery world, we headed to the Dob in a Dude model search at Melbourne's Waterfront City. Chatting with the finalists, we soon discovered it takes more than non-prescribed ADHD medication and buckets of NIVEA for Men to make a model tick. That's right, ladies, we did our journalistic best to drill the boys who (with any luck) will one day be drilling you.

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VICE: First thing handsome, what's your name?
Hot Stuff # 1: Christopher.

And how old are you?
20.

What's you beauty regime? What does it take to bring this to the public every day?
I wash my face morning and night—I cleanse, tone, and then moisturize it.

That's pretty good for a boy. Much better for you than the bucket of wax I apply every day.
Well, I also work for a skin care company, so I kind of have to.

You were the runner-up, what did you win?
A manicure kit, some facial wipes, and other stuff is in here I think.

Whoa, jelly!

Hot Stuff # 2: Jason

How do you do it? Do you have a beauty regime? You can't tell me this just happens every morning by accident.
My beauty regime? Nah, don't really have one. Just an average bloke to be honest. I wash my face with water and soap. Just a bar of soap or whatever. No moisturizers or anything. Actually, sometimes I use my mum's. Like I'll go take my old ladies. But I'm pretty simple to be honest. Just shave my head, that's about it. Keep it original.

What are you going to do with your trophy?
Might hang it off the mirror of my car, I reckon it'll look pretty good. Just between the dice, one on each side.

That's one of the most awesome things I've ever heard. Did you bring a crew for support today?
Nah, I came here on an hour and a half sleep. Had a big night last night, went to see Lil John. We were just like, let's go for an adventure, so we went there. And yeah it ended up being a big night.

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That's pretty impressive, slept for an hour, woke up and won a modeling contest. What do your pals think about this anyway?
They find it funny. I made the mistake of bringing my mates last time. There were about 30 of them and it was like they were at a soccer match. They all got drunk and yelled. Thirty wogs just going crazy, and the promoters were telling me off because they were too loud. Pretty funny though. Imagine if that was going on in Milan.

I'm sure that's exactly what professional modeling is like.
Really? Awesome. Yeah, I said to a mate this morning, "I don't know if I can do this, I'm wrecked." And he goes, "It's alright mate, just wash your face with some cold water."

Wisest words of the day.

Hot Stuff # 3: Adrian.

And do you have a beauty routine?
As in the morning? Getting all prettied up? I put my socks on first. That's the trick. You put those on first and everything just falls into place.

I like that. No messing around. Girls like that in a man. Got a girlfriend?
Sort of, I recently started seeing someone. I'm just going with the flow. I don't have too much trouble with the girls, I think I can understand them. I watch chick flicks and read some poetry, that helps.

Renaissance man alert! They mentioned you wrote poetry. Sensitive much?
Yeah, I like watching my chick flicks like The Notebook and all that jazz. I sit in front of the TV with a notepad.

Is that your hot tip for all the other guys who are struggling to get dates?
Nah, my tip would just be confidence. Seriously, you can get some whatever looking dude with a lot of confidence and he will attract all the girls in the world.

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So poetry and confidence are key?
Yeah, that's for the extra thousand girls if you want them. Looks get the attention, but it's the personality they fall in love with. That's the stage that I'm at now.

Hey, didn't you say you just turned 19?
Yeah, I'm sick of being single though. I'm looking for something more profound.

Final babe of the day! What's your name sweetcheeks?
Hot Stuff # 4: Jessie.

Who dobbed you in?
I entered myself. I just sent my pictures into the agency and they replied to say that I was in the heats.

Good, being proactive. Are you this assertive with your facial care?
Not really. I just moisturize every night with… Vaseline? That's probably it.

What's your number one pick up tip? Besides having an incredibly soft-skinned face.
Probably just staring. Like if they're staring at you, just stare at them for a while and then make your way over and talk to them, like "how are you?" You know they're interested when they're looking at you.

So just stare? And if they don't call the cops, it's on?
Yeah, just the stare, all in the eyes.

WORDS: WENDY SYFRET
PHOTOS: MAXWELL FINCH