A Toronto Mini-Game

If you’re one of the few un-jaded music lovers left, you are open-minded, smart, and probably own good footwear. Here’s a guide to the new and new-ish Toronto bands we think you should be looking for this summer: ANAGRAM You’ll get pushed around… and like it. Punk rock? AWESOME Green ponchos are the new little black dresses. Toronto art-school kids at their finest. It’s an experimental, tribal (yes, but relax, it’s not as bad as it sounds) noise concoction. Oh yeah, and there’s a smoke machine, and headlights are worn to create a “far-out” kind of vibe.  BROKEN TREE FORT The bedroom project of Mark Roberts. Though that lo-fi four-track movement is responsible for untold cassettes worth of utter horseshit, BTF is actually fucking good.www.myspace.com/brokentreefort BUSH-LEAGUE The lead singer is sort of like Toronto’s answer to Martin from London’s Selfish Cunt. You’ll probably be able to catch them at Sneaky Dee’s or another similarly dingy venue. FINAL FANTASY When someone tells you this guy does string arrangements for the Arcade Fire don’t get the wrong idea. This doesn’t belong in your grandparent’s CD collection. He sings about dicks. http://www.finalfantasyeternal.com GUITARKESTRA Craig Dunsmuir is Toronto’s unsung guitar god. His low-key guitar looping pedal performances have made people actually cry. Download his entire album atwww.floatingthrulife.is.dreaming.org HANK Displaced Brit/Canadian backed by three female vocalists who sound like the ESG cheering squad. Some dance, some rock, some folk, some country. World music. Yes, this is world music. www.weepingtruckers.com LENIN SHUMOV Fronted by Ruso-Canadian Eugene Slominerov, this band is the sonic equivalent of a Kusturica film. In the midst of Slominerov’s howls and the two-drummer pomposity, you expect to see pigs and chickens and rusty old Fiats cross the stage. www.geocities.com/leninishumov NO DYNAMICS No bass, but you’d never know it. Big guitars, heavy drums, deadly keys, vicious female vocals. Noisy like a raccoon fight. www.geocities.com/nononodynamics PONY DA LOOK These four babushkas are the epitome of slumber party ethos. Singer Amy Bowles has the vocal dramatics of Kate Bush thoroughly mastered. She is the ultimate 80s caricature of the woman scorned. Unlike most 80s throwback synth bands, these bitches are actually funny and truly dramatic. SNOWY OWL They remind us of a bunch of bands from the 70s. Fuck all this new shit. Actually, fuck a lot of the old shit too. TRADITION Four kids, none of whom are over the age of 18. A little band with some big sounds, they blew us away. The kids are certainly alright. THE TWO KOREAS OK, Stuart Berman sings a bit like Mark E. Smith. Maybe they’re a bit like the Fall. OK, so… UNCUT One of the three guitarists in the band is named Ian. His roommate says he finds him on the floor of the kitchen in his underwear almost every morning in the fetal position.www.thenewviolence.com