Capitano’s Pizza Is Crafted From Nectar of the Deities and I Am So Serious

Simple mathematics: “most mindblowingly delicious, sumptuous meal I’ve ever had” minus 4 shots of hard liquor still equals fucking delicious food.
​COLLAGE: ARIELLE RICHARDS /  Merten Snijders​ /  igorshi​ VIA GETTY
Merten Snijders / 
igorshi VIA GETTY

VICE is reviewing all of Melbourne's best date spots. See Old Palm LiquorBar MargauxYakimono and Gerald’s Bar.

When it comes to dinner dates, Italian is the pinnacle cuisine. It’s sexy and delicious and can be light or filling – pick your poison. Pizza, pasta, insalata… If the place is good, you can’t really go wrong. Melbourne is blessed with a rich history of being home to exemplary Italian food, and new spots seem to surface constantly. 


I was initially mildly resentful of Capitano when it cropped up. It had replaced an old neighbourhood pub where myself and my Carlton buddies would hang out and play pool. So, despite living two minutes away, this was my first time. And oh myyyy.

Capitano is trendy. It’s run by the Bar Liberty team – famously the epicentre of the “simple done well” ethos. Aesthetically, Capitano is trendy in the same way as other pizzeria/bars in the area: Leonardo’s and Romantica… if I thought harder I could probably think of a third – but I’m sure you get the picture. 

But Capitano is trendy for good reason. And on the Friday night we dined, it was surprisingly low-key. It was full of dates! But it was also filled with an older crowd, girls’ nights, fellas nights, family and friends dinner-type-gatherings, all seemingly relaxed and enjoying themselves.

The menu offered a bunch of smaller plates for sharing: The classics – hand stretched burrata, anchovies, focaccia, olives – and some salads which radiated a fun, fresh and delicious vibe, like sugar snap and snow pea scapece.

But we just had olives to start because we came there to EAT. 

We shared the tonnarelli pasta and tricolour square pizza for mains. I die. The food here is so fucking good. The bar had quenched a yearning thirst inside my soul with a classic negroni and their signature old fashioned before the mains had come out, and I honestly couldn’t fathom whether the food was so mind blowing because I was sauced or if it truly was that good. But if we do some simple mathematics here: “most mindblowingly delicious, fantastic, sumptuous meal I’ve ever had” minus 4 shots of hard liquor still equals fucking delicious food.


The base of the thicc pizza square was the most beautiful and perfect focaccia, chewy, springy and moist. The pasta, linguine (I think) with spanner crab, pistachio and asparagus was slurped up in moments, the sauce something I would have drunk a mugful of. Luscious, creamy, but distinctly light. I didn’t even want to die after all that food. I felt alive.


Capitano is an excellent date spot. It’s an excellent spot for any kind of dinner. The atmosphere was casual but the service and food was in a whole other realm. It’s not overly romantic, although the interior and quietly charming music definitely set the correct effortlessly elegant atmosphere for a casual date.

10000/10, I love a place that is quietly bougie. 

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