We love any excuse to upgrade our vibrator collection, but there’s something especially perfect about a Halloween sex toy sale. As we’ve said before, ye olde lore says that witches used to ride their brooms backwards to symbolize the phallus, and nothing gets us in the mood for hanky panky like the smell of roasted pumpkin seeds, a sacrificial fire for Baphomet, and the sounds of Sarah Paulson screaming, “The killer is escaping!” during American Horror Story. H-ween is for the horndogs.
We don’t know if there are any witches on staff at Ella Paradis [winks in pagan], but the sex toy retailer has decided to throw a massive Halloween slasher sale from now until November 1, offering up to 70% off select vibes and accessories with the code FALL at checkout. Think of it as next-level trick-or-treating, but without any raisin cookies and lots of clitoral, penis, and G-spot sex toys instead.
Here’s our dream vibration-rotation from the fall sale.
Baby’s first vibrator
New to sex toys, but don’t know wear to start? A classic wand vibrator with a curved tip is a great intro to penetrative toys, and we dig one that comes with an extra bulbous tip for targeting your G-spot, such as this Rabbit Vibrator by Better Love.
This clitoral vibe looks like it’s howling at the moon
In case you’ve not yet dabbled in the world of ~luxury~ sex toys, LELO is really where it’s at. The Swedish sexual wellness slingers at LELO make high-quality engineering and elegant design their priority, whether they’re creating monster jam G-spot orgasm vibes like the Enigma, or more compact, targeted clitoral toys like the Sona 2 Cruise. The toy has top marks from reviewers, because it uses sonic waves—instead of direct contact—to stimulate the clitoris.
OFC you need a magic wand
Duh, dude! How could we leave the Hitachi Magic Wand out? This is one of the most iconic sex toys, period, because it’s versatile and basically like pounding yourself out with a robot from the 90s. Hot.
A penis ring named after Poseidon
The only god hornier than Zeus is probably Poseidon. Just look at that trident! This vibrating cock ring by Better Love takes the wet ‘n’ wild god’s namesake because it offers a bangin’ 10-mode smorgasbord of patterns and speeds, and is beloved by… actual seamen? “I am a seafarer,” writes one reviewer, “so we all know how lonely, bored, and everything else in between (lol) it is on a ship in the middle of the sea for many days. I am very happy I bought this toy, It's certainly worth it.” AHOY, DADDI.
You were in marching band
If this gorgeous glass dildo—nay, maypole—speaks to you, then you definitely have a top hat in your closet and a great sense of rhythm during sex. Glass sex toys, such as this multicolor dildo, are such a fun addition to your horny arsenal; aside from being straight up designer objets, they’re easy to clean, plastic-free, and provide great ribbed sensations.
Have a happy, horny H-ween!
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.