These Next-Level Gifts Are for True Food Freaks Only

If you’re a reader of MUNCHIES and gustatory enthusiast—we don’t use that f-word here—there’s a decent chance your friends are, too. And while we’re sure that you’re a trailblazer within your community, you probably have at least one friend who’s always been a superior cook to you. She was drinking Fernet and using a microplane since birth, or he doesn’t even flinch when you promise you’ve found the spiciest Thai spot in the Tri-State Area—he already knows of a spicier one that’s a way tinier hole-in-the-wall; duh. Their spice cabinets are fully stocked, their restaurant merch collection is vast, and their kitchen is unquestionably decked out. For these friends, you need to pull out the big guns and get them a gift so weird, so utterly unique, that only a true freak food connoisseur would appreciate it. Naturally, we’ve got you covered.

The club sandwich is one of the true forever MVPs of the sandwich canon. To see it celebrated, in embroidered form, on a pair of expensive smoking slippers is truly a gift in and of itself. If you can afford these, please be aware that we are all very, very jealous. (They also make equally amazing versions for lovers of Scotch and negronis.)

$550, at Stubbs and Wootton.

We were kind of on the fence about getting a tree this year until we saw this absolutely perfect burrito ornament, celebrating the foil-wrapped, meat-and-bean-filled wonder we all know and love. Now we have to get one.

$20; at Biscuit.

OK, so toothpaste isn’t exactly a food. But not only is it something you use after meals; it’s also an underutilized opportunity to introduce exciting new flavors into your life. Marvis is this delightfully fanciful Italian toothpaste brand that comes in all sorts of unconventional varieties, including jasmine, cardamom, and ginger. Their “flavour collection” is also the perfect example of a present that would feel silly to buy for yourself, but is awesome to receive. Thirty-six bucks may sound like a lot for toothpaste, but hey, it’s something that you (hopefully) use twice a day.

$36, at Amazon.

Spaghetti with clams isn't just a dish; it's [clap] a [clap] lifestyle!!! [jumps off a cliff into the ocean…] For real though, we're beyond ready to take an endless vacation where we sit at a seaside cafe in Italy all day in this shirt, eating seafood and noodles and never taking any of it for granted again.

$128, at Tombole Company.

Not sure what YOU'VE been up to during quarantine, but all of the really cool people have been puzzin'. That's right—getting into puzzles, baby. Ordering a (real) pizza and doing this puzzle sounds like a great Thursday night to us.

$65, at Candid Home.

We’re big fans of Katie Kimmel and all her stupid-cute food-themed art and clothing. This mortadella pool float really takes the cake, though. Now, we just need a pool so that we can float on a vaguely anthropomorphic slice of processed meat all day long.

$68, at Katie Kimmel.

In the same way that Italian Marvis toothpaste isn't like the tube of Crest you bought at Duane Reade, Italian Calzuro clogs aren't like the Crocs you reluctantly wear to take the trash downstairs. These comfortable slip-ons are apparently the go-to kicks for the kind of professionals who stay on their feet all day, and they're also a way of wearing tie-dye that isn't a cropped hoodie from a chain store. Win/win.

$103.99, at Amazon.

This scratch-and-sniff banana-patterned (and banana-scented) wallpaper will make you feel like Willy Wonka, without having to deal with the fallout from killing a bunch of kids during a factory tour. It's also available in an unscented version, but where's the fun in that?

$470 for a 5-yard roll, at Walnut Wallpapers.

We love this Halloweeny, kind of hypebeasty hoodie that makes every season a time to celebrate it being decorative gourd season, motherfuckers.

$150, at Flan Labs.

Remember when you were like 8 and it was totally fine if you gave your parents a macaroni-covered picture frame for Christmas? These resin farfalle earrings capture the casual whimsy of homemade presents, while the pearl accents let everyone know that no, these weren't assembled in an elementary school art class.

$185, at Chefanie.

If there is ever a relatable concept to represent 2020, it’s wanting to lay down (and possibly die) in an enormous bowl of comforting, Parmesan-topped spaghetti. Collage artist Beth Koester really captures that sentiment. We need this on our wall, now.

$30.59 (on sale) for a 26” x 22” print, at Society 6.

Maybe you're wondering how to wrap up all of these insanely special and unique food gifts, and you don't wanna go the usual route of digging around the back of your closet for some wrinkled, metallic-foil-emblazoned paper with mistletoe all over it or whatever. It turns out that wrapping paper can actually be very cool and kind of part of the gift in and of itself—personally we're really feeling this wassail spice stuff from Samantha Santana. Can't ya just smell the mulled cider?

$16 a roll, at Etsy.

Did you read everything above this and think, ugh, I still don't know what to get for my wildly obsessive food nut friend who is impossible to shop for? We doubt it, but just in case, we've got the most unique gift of them all: a seemingly one-of-a-kind vintage black velvet painting of a green bean casserole. We don't know when someone made it; we don't know why someone made it. But we do know that it's a masterpiece, and we hope that one of our dear readers buys it ASAP.

$80, on eBay.

Check out the rest of MUNCHIES holiday gift guides here.

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