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Christopher Harris’ Fantasy Football Mailbag Week 12

Join Christopher Harris live on VICE Sports’ Facebook page on Sunday at noon ET to ask him your game day fantasy questions, and for fantasy football advice based on film review every single weekday from now until 2017, listen to the Harris Football Podcast at www.HarrisFootball.com.

Sean: Can Thomas Rawls really “carry teams to a fantasy championship”? The Seahawks offensive line is horrific and Rawls is injury prone.

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I’m not sure why we need every possible free-agent acquisition to “carry your team to a fantasy championship,” but Sean’s right: that’s how fantasy touts like to position their big dumb pronouncements. Remember about a month ago, when Devontae Booker was going to be a locked-in guaranteed top-five fantasy RB the rest of the way?

Read More: NFL Waiver Wire Workout: Week 12

I’m psyched to see what Rawls can do down the stretch, but owning him guarantees nothing. Yet here’s why his upside is so high: Russell Wilson is healthy. Over games against the Bills, the Patriots, and finally the Eagles, Wilson re-completed his progression from limp-prone quasi-scrambler to Fran Tarkenton clone. Last week, he racked up rushing yards, he ran some zone-read, he extended plays—the entire arsenal was there, and I think he’s about to go on his own little napalm tour of the NFC in December. Wilson will keep defenses honest and thus help his line bet better. I want to own Seahawks. And with C.J. Prosise out with a broken shoulder blade, the recently returned Rawls has a high ceiling.

But his running style is as violent as anyone’s in the NFL. Remember Ahmad Bradshaw? Remember how fun he was, this smaller guy just knocking the hell out of 300-pound goliaths? Unfortunately, Bradshaw got so banged up being so mean, his feet deteriorated so badly that eventually taking three steps off the bus would cause his ankle bones to crumble. I have Rawls 12th among standard-league running backs for the rest of the season, but he’s got risk!

When the Seahawks spread looks delicious. Photo by Cary Edmondson-USA TODAY Sports

DST for AZ!: Do you think Adrian Peterson actually comes back?

Peterson has been out since Week 2 after undergoing surgery to repair his knee meniscus, and ESPN had a report that the Vikings think he might be back in Week 15 or 16. Great. Thanks, ESPN. You’ve never steered us wrong.

The larger point I often make on my podcast is that facts may still be facts, but our ability to know them has maybe never been more impaired. And that’s because everything is spin. Everything. Whose truth do you prefer to believe? The player who has three undamaged brain cells clattering around up there and is never going to admit to anything hurting for fear of being branded soft? The coach who doesn’t want to give an opponent a sliver of advantage with anything resembling foreknowledge? The GM who wants to motivate the player? The agent who wants to install a trapdoor of excuses in case the player can’t return? Why is every player’s rehab “ahead of schedule”? Why does Bill Belichick list everyone including the Patriots equipment manager “questionable” every week? Why are we fed breathless reports about how otherworldly Devin Funchess looks in training camp?

It should go without saying that this is all a symptom of the larger modern world, in which we’re all precariously perched on a mountain of bullshit and have gotten used to the smell. Now that I have TiVo to bypass the world’s commercials, the commercials have just been blended into the programming. I have some weird vague sense that we used to be less tolerant of people lying to us, blatantly, to our faces. Whether that’s true or not, certainly now it’s the norm. It’s expected. “He says he wants to build a wall, but he doesn’t really mean it.” When the guy at the coffee shop says they’ve got a special on chai, I just assume he’s trying to steal my 401(k).

Belichick lists this guy as “questionable.” Photo by Tim Fuller-USA TODAY Sports

So. Adrian Peterson. He might come back. Might not. It’s 50/50. (If you’re desperate for running back help, I don’t mind stashing him, but the Vikings run attack was awful for a game and a half with him. It would be hard to trust him in your fantasy semifinals.)

Russell: How do you view Sammy Watkins for the rest of the season?

Watkins is more stashable than Peterson. He didn’t need another surgery on his formerly broken foot; he just needed a couple months’ rest. He’s already practicing, albeit probably not at full speed. There’s a chance he’ll play Week 12 against Jacksonville, and if that doesn’t happen, he should see game time soon. That means prospective Watkins owners would get a risk-free chance to see what he looks like before they have to start him. With a great receiver like Watkins who’s missed eight weeks, that’s the wisest policy: grab him, don’t listen to what any of the optimists or pessimists in the media echo chamber say, leave him on your bench for a game, and recalibrate after he runs around out there. We’re just about at the end of the NFL byes (all 32 teams play this weekend in a Black Friday/Cyber Monday–related orgy of TV commercials, and then only the Titans and the Browns are off in Week 13), so you can afford to release your most borderline bench option and add Watkins. He should be owned in all leagues.

Ben: Which NFL player reminds you most of a turkey?

First off, let’s trod out the annual list of food-related NFL names that will make your uncle (who was once kicked by a horse) laugh with a mouthful of mashed potatoes: Jack Ham. Coy Bacon. Julius Peppers. Jerry Rice. Jerod Mayo. Bubba Franks. Cleo Lemon. Antrelle Rolle. Jamaal Fudge.

All that said, how could my answer for the player who reminds me of a turkey be anyone other than Blake Bortles? Flightless fowl who needs a reprieve from a higher authority or else his head will be chopped off?

Ben: As a vegetarian, are you going to preach to us the good word of side dishes for Thursday?

You might wonder how my Twitter followers know I’m a vegetarian. Easy. I’m one of those impossibly annoying people who works it into every conversation. “Oh, interesting, you’re re-grouting your shower? Know what else is a damaged connective substance that threatens the well-being of its surroundings? OUR BROKEN FACTORY FARMS!”

I’ll admit that Thanksgiving has lost some of the culinary allure it had for me 20-odd years ago, when I was still a carnivore. For some reason, the sight of my loved ones shimmying with pleasure around the corpse of a disemboweled creature lying prostrate on the dining room table doesn’t fill me with joy. But I’ve lucked out! Since I work 80-hour weeks during the NFL season and my job has become the occupational equivalent of having mono for four months, my immediate family takes mercy on me and travels to my town for Thanksgiving, whereupon we go out to eat and everybody gets what they want.

I like sides! Give me a gallon jug of stuffing and a wooden spoon, and I’m good.

Let’s hear it for the sides. Photo by Tim Fuller-USA TODAY Sports

Rich: Is Planes, Trains and Automobiles a great Thanksgiving movie or the greatest Thanksgiving movie?

I like PT&A, but that’s a pretty low bar. Like, what would come in second? I spent three minutes searching Google, so I’m pretty much an expert now. And the next-best Thanksgiving movie I could come up with is The Big Chill, and The Big Chill is garbage. A more honest title for The Big Chill would’ve been “Hey Baby Boomers, Don’t Worry, You’re Still Pretty Cool!” I think Hannah and Her Sisters has some Thanksgiving stuff in it, too, but I don’t think I’m allowed to like Woody Allen anymore, right?

Actually, the best Thanksgiving movie of all time is The Last Waltz, about The Band’s farewell concert at which 5,000 attendees were given turkey dinners before the show. Neil Young had so much cocaine on his nose while he played, the film’s producers insisted on rotoscoping it out of the final edit. That was a Thanksgiving.

Matt: Paul Newman or Steve McQueen?

Wait. Which one directed 12 Years A Slave again?

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody in the U.S.!

Happy annoying Thursday to the planet’s other 7.1 billion people!

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