Sex-Rated: The VICE Guide to Sex

Purab Kohli Explains How to Ace an Orgy

While picking up a few life lessons along the way.
July 12, 2018, 12:00pm
Image: Prianka Jain.

This July, we’re heating things up with Sex-Rated: The VICE Guide to Sex in India. Come with us as we dive deep into Indian sexuality, as well as cherry-pick some of the best videos and stories about sex from VICE around the world. Read more here.

An orgy to top all orgies. A polysexual, queer, emotional, psychic orgy. That’s how Netflix’s sci-fi series Sense8 ended its run. But instead of merely showing a writhing mass of naked bodies giving and getting pleasure, the Wachowskis dialled up their all-you-need-is-love and radical empathy elements in the season-ender that clocked at 151 minutes. That wasn’t the surprising part for us. What was was our very own Purab Kohli’s plotline. Spoiler Alert! Rajan (played by Kohli) who is Kala’s (Tina Desai) husband suddenly finds his sidekick status elevated. It ends in not just a polyamorous relationship with Wolfgang but a draw into the metaphorical orgy at the end. In fact, the very last line of the show is bestowed on a happily flabbergasted Rajan who extricates himself from the clusterfuck to say: “I didn’t think such things were possible.” Us too Purab, us too.

Let's get it on: Tina Desai and Purab Kohli start off as a couple. Image: Netflix.

If this is inspiring you to find out your own boundaries of what is possible and what’s not, let us help you out. Before you make it to your own sex party of three or 20, read on to know what we can learn from Kohli’s reel-life experience.

Do your homework prior to the party.

Purab: “When Lana [Wachowski] gave us the script for the special, we were aware that there was a big lovemaking orgy scene at the end. But she initially gave us just the first 15 pages for a table-read, and only after we read it did she tell us about the final scene. Because I knew how Lana worked, I knew that this would be done with the greatest of care. I felt reassured that whatever it is, it would get put out there beautifully.”

Life lesson to take away : So, you have a sex party coming up. Congratulations. Just know what you are getting into, and know that you are completely comfortable with what’s about to go down (up?). These bacchanals tend to have rules—know them and follow them. Do not simply presume your peculiar brand of kink will be accepted. Ask the host or someone else who’s attended the gathering.

Let go of preconceptions.

Purab: “When you choose acting as a career, it’s essentially an exploration of the freedom of letting go. You try to put yourself in other people’s shoes to understand where they come from, and in the process, open up new sides to yourself.”

Life lesson to take away : Hang that judgement at the door. You shouldn’t ever feel pressured to do something you don’t want to but at the same time, if others are overstepping your personal rules with others in the room, let them enjoy themselves. As long as the basics of consent and respect are ever-present, this is where stereotypes and boundaries come to die.

Shower. And ignore body image issues.

Purab: “I don’t think I have the greatest body but I feel very comfortable with it. I have done body shots before but never been completely naked. There’s a certain amount of liberation when you don’t have your clothes on. I knew that feeling and I held onto it during this shot. That was my tool instead of letting insecurities get the better of me.”

Life lesson to take away: There is nothing more sexy than your confidence. Sure, it will help others tremendously if you actually use your spinning class membership, but it all boils down to being an advocate of your body that is ready to be explored. Nook and cranny.

Don’t overthink the weird moments.

Purab: “There’s a beautiful moment in this episode when Rajan and Wolfgang kiss. It changes the dynamics of the love they have for a common person, and makes it into a triangle. I didn’t think much of the kiss beforehand. The top thought in my head at that time was how pokey both our beards felt.”

Life lesson to take away: You’re not in a porno. Unless you’re in one. But don’t come expecting to find something seamless that looks like a movie being directed. There might be OMFG awkwardness and there might be more than just chin stubble involved. Just ride it out like you’d do in social situations with your clothes on—be it through verbal foreplay, or by allowing laughter to break the ice.

Don’t put a morality tag on it.

Purab:Sense8 has reassured me of some of my beliefs and exposed me to new ideas. When love is concerned, nobody has the right to clamp it down. The more you do that, the more frustration builds up in society. When you have a problem with something, it’s a projection of your own discomfort towards it. Do not moralise it just because you are uncomfortable with it.”

Life lesson to take away: Remember that the question is not whether orgies are right or wrong. The question is: Are they right or wrong for you?