One thing you can say about Natty Light—if, for some reason, you were required to say something about Natty Light—is that oftentimes, it's there. And perhaps recognizing this as the disturbingly mild brew's strongest attribute, Anheuser-Busch has decided to lean into it and put more there there. For a limited time in College Park, Maryland, undiscerning consumers will be able to artfully signal to the world that when it comes to beer they're all about that Quantity > Quality Life with a 77-pack of Natural Light.
The press email we received about the forthcoming hangovers (subject line: 'Natty Lights's Most Aggressive Pack Yet,' in case you were getting the wrong idea that this was a beer for pussies!) explained why it wasn't a rounder number like 75, 80, or zero Natty Lights. "Since Natty was founded in 1977, the brand decided to create a massive pack containing 77 beers. We think if the pack had 8 less beers it might be a bittttt more Natty, but hey, who are we to decide?"
This concerns me, as I fear that in the event that time travel became a realistic possibility and the human race were suddenly imbued with power to rewrite history in accordance with the wisdom of hindsight, but this power were limited only to the upper echelons of Anheuser-Busch, we'd basically be reliving all the bad parts of Back to the Future while the 77-pack would become a 69-pack as a cool joke. But otherwise: sure, I get it.
About that: Each pack will retail for around
, or less than 50 cents per can of beer-flavored bath water. Which is exactly why the the 65-pound
Start Kit will probably sell out as soon as they hit the load-bearing shelves around University of Maryland. Which,
according to The Takeout,
could be as early as today.