Anime Continues to Be a Mistake

Shoot the Clothes Off Anime Girls With This Bad Game for Bad People.
June 1, 2017, 11:00am
Image: DEEP SPACE WAIFU

I don't know what it's like to date an anime girl, not having been an anime in my lifetime. If you are an anime, that is your decision to make. The whole visual novel basin of video games would have me believe there's a lot of reading and blushing involved, but the new Steam game DEEP SPACE WAIFU proposes something more audacious. It involves missile launchers, heat seaking laserbeams, skull-shaped spaceships and schoolgirl uniforms the size of the Hubble.

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DEEP SPACE WAIFU sees you as a wayfaring, motorcycling… I want to say bear, in sunglasses, using a new dating app that pairs him with gigantic anime women in space. You match and leave the atmosphere to hook up, blast some yacht rock, and just like the terrestrial Tinder things can get complicated.

In each of the 10 levels you must simultaneously disrobe the anime woman by finding structurally weak spots on their clothing to blast, while dodging lasers from fleets of aliens who'd rather this giant floating person remain modest. When things get too "intimate," you must face a final boss while simultaneously blasting away remaining unmentionables.

There are similar arcade experiences, though few have ever made it out of Japan. Konami's Parodius bullet hell series has its fair share of giant women, and Namco's Dancing Eyes its fair share of kooky boudoir. DEEP SPACE WAIFU isn't completely paper thin. Having two sets of priorities, surviving and stripping, is something. It's safer to crawl along the bottom of the screen, but if you die at the top you'll be able to recover your power ups. But come on, you probably don't care about that stuff in a game called DEEP SPACE WAIFU.