Justin Trudeau has been spotted (usually while jogging shirtless) in a multitude of situations: at a wedding, a prom photoshoot, and just yesterday, while stopping to chat with a Canadian couple outside their home while kayaking.
What these recurring Daddy Canada cameos have taught us is that our prime minister can organically show up just about anywhere at any given moment. Because of this troubling fact, we felt it pertinent to put together this list in order to warn you about where to watch out for him.
In line to see Wonder Woman
"Wonder Woman was always my favourite comic book as a sensitive young man," Justin Trudeau tells you. "The future is female superheroes!"
Waiting for you at the top of Mount Logan, Canada's tallest mountain
With a thick, snow-covered beard and luscious red Canada Goose jacket, the prime minister will be there, just casually brewing up a pot of hot chocolate. "Hello there, my new friend and fellow Canadian!" he says. "Do you like marshmallows?"
Your local poutine spot
You drunkenly stumble in after a long night of drinking to eat some fries, cheese curds, and gravy and Justin Trudeau is quietly standing in line, gazing up at the menu. When he orders, he pronounces it "poo-tin." Of course he does.
The Cherry Blossom trees at Trinity Bellwoods in Toronto even though they're not in bloom anymore
"Oh no," Trudeau whispers as he approaches the now barren trees. He quietly takes a selfie anyways and checks behind both his shoulders before ducking into TYPE to look at comic books. He is overheard by the shopkeeper mumbling, "I'm the prime minister."
In the stall next to you
We've all been there. Mall food, too much beer last night, and it hits you like a thunderbolt to the bowels. You need to shit and you need to shit right now. You flee to the stall, any stall really, forgoing even the scant protection of a laying down toilet paper on the seat. Your bowels empty with a primal pleasure, followed quickly the heat of a 1000 suns screaming from your anus. You go to gently wipe and tug on the toilet paper dispenser but to your growing horror you realize there's nothing to wipe the foul sin emitting from your bottom. Your mind rushes, what can you possibly do in this situation, and then you hear the stall next to you open and shut and the clank of a toilet seat. You look down and see a pair of beautifully polished brogues. You go for it. "Hey man, I'm out of TP, you mind passing some over?" By the grace of God you see a hand, with wonderfully manicured fingernails, reach under the stall with three-ply toilet paper. "Here you go, my fellow Canadian," you hear a familiar voice say. "I am here for you."
In GA at an Arcade Fire concert
No, you won't find Daddy Canada in the VIP. Instead, you'll turn around while you're squished in-between strangers to find out the guy proudly singing "No Cars Go" in your ear is the prime minister.
At the local Canadian Tire
He's there to pick up some kayaking supplies for a totally real and not-scripted-at-all encounter with a nice couple on the lake who weren't found on central casting and really are real people.
Just standing there outside of your house at night
You can't see his face, but you can tell by the ghastly silhouette—backlit by a full moon—that Canada's prime minister is waiting outside your home to casually greet you in the middle of the night.
Turns out Justin Trudeau is actually your cousin's Canadian boyfriend and she wasn't lying.
In the rustling of a gentle breeze
In the autumn of your life you will find yourself on a quiet lonely walk in the park and you will hear the maple leaves above you flit delicately in the wind and they will seem to speak, quietly but clearly, with a soothing, lilting lisp, emphatically stating that it is the current year. You're sure you know the voice. But when you turn your head, there is no one there. Perhaps there never was. Your ten-year high school reunion
You remember that nerdy kid who everybody seemed to like? Well, turns out, THAT WAS JUSTIN ALL ALONG.
The VICE Toronto office
This list is honest.
The local liquor store
He's picking up some craft brew, "'cause it tastes great, and it stimulates the local economy, bruh."
Through the window of a tattoo parlour
For Canada 150, Trudeau will honour Indigenous people by getting another "tribal" tattoo.
Local Ottawa (hot) yoga studio
Justin Trudeau loves to show off how mildly buff he is. As a general rule, all affluent white people in Ottawa do yoga (but only classes taught by other affluent white people). The next day on Twitter, we will see grainy shots of his sweaty butt.
A series of erotic nightmares
It's like that fanfic come to life, except now it's Donald Trump instead of Barack Obama.
Your bachelorette party
Your limo pulls up outside of your local jello shot bar and when you open the back door, Trudeau is inside. 'It appears I am in the wrong limo," he exclaims,"I always do this. Want to take a photo to commemorate this zany mix-up?"
Turns out that it was actually you who was the cuck all along.
A Tuesday night drop-in improv show
He repeats every scene in French.
Holding your phone at the club
"I can't find my phone and no one is even helping me look for it," you screamed. Justin heard your cry.
It's your first time scuba diving the sunken ships of Georgian Bay and when you gaze upon the carcass of an old sunken steamer, the prime minister is there, giving you the thumbs up.
The local peewee hockey game
He's holding a sign that says "Everyone play fair!"
The GQ Head Office
"Why was Jagmeet Singh profiled?! I'm well dressed too, damnit!"
Just kidding, he will never go there and neither will you.
SilverCity Indigo x 2
He googled it after hearing it in a Drake song but wasn't sure if it was the one at Yonge and Eg or Richmond Hill…?
Stephen Harper's recurring nightmare
In the dream it's just Harper-bot and Trudeau running alongside the Toronto waterfront and Steve just can't keep up. From far ahead Trudeau turns back to Harper and yells "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO IS NOT READY STEVE, YOU'RE JUST NOT READY!" Harper wakes up every morning knowing that, one day, he will die.